tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42499611357280025562024-03-05T12:43:21.182-08:00Erti kehambaan, hakikat kehidupanSearching for the true meaning of live, as a servant of His in this temporary life.. starting with learning how to give in order to receive Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.comBlogger196125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-40777765190584006082022-11-27T19:37:00.002-08:002022-11-27T19:37:52.901-08:00Being alone <p> As it gets lonelier nowadays, more questions popped up on my mind </p><p>I started to understand things more now and questioning less </p><p>Staying true to curiosity kills the cat which I disagree so much before but now perhaps it is more relevant than ever </p><p>It is so tiring living in this world now</p><p>I have given up on social media nowadays that everyone is trying to show all in the web as if anyone really cares </p><p>I just want to stay true to myself </p><p>After passing one of the hardest exam I have ever encounter I felt that one of the heaviest burden has been lifted however many things remained the same still </p><p>There will always be new challenges or things which you put on hold to be taken care of </p><p>There is no running away from responsibilities </p><p>As life is not about sleeping, eating and repeating itself over and over again</p><p>It is when it has meaning that it is called LIFE where you could LIVE in </p><p>Chasing over your dream no matter how ridiculous it could be </p><p>Trying again and again despite failing many times </p><p>Struggling to get over each hurdle </p><p>Missing those who has left you behind </p><p>Still trying to figure out what you want in life </p><p>Some of the short-listed life crazy mazes must offers </p><p>But through all of these I have learnt that </p><p>letting go is a process and at times that feeling of emptiness could feel like it was the first day they were gone, and you start back at where you were before but it is all right, everything will be all right </p><p>time will never stop for you so you will forget even for awhile and you must continue on </p><p>cry your heart out, do what you must do then continue on .... keeping them close to you in your prayer and memories </p><p>Dreams.... keep on praying so long that it is a good intention who knows He might just grant it, so work bit by bit towards your goal. Age is keeping up with me but who says I can't continue on dreaming? </p><p>One day I will work with WHO/UN and help the world in the smallest way I could with what I have</p><p>I can't change the world that is what I realized as I grow older, i was so positive before bout changing so many things in the world, for the better of course but not now </p><p>It is even harder to change people's lifestyle- obesity, smoking what more the selfishness of the nation </p><p>but I will change what I can within my power </p><p>and my final dreams to work in Palestine as part of the medical team there seem so far away but who knows if I keep on praying one day I'll get there </p><p>I wish I could be a better friends to others, I thought I was but I was wrong </p><p>This year, I wish I will be more attentive and reach out more to those who matters to me, not wanting more but wanting to treasure what I have now </p><p>At the same time, trying new things in life and accepting whatever coming my way thou I may tumble along the way </p><p>I can do this! Lailatulema Abbas, be it alone or not, I will be fine, hwaiting! </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMZRv7RWpYzsPXJKP4GX3Tf1WKk_2Gt7H9sMzrb5t23TZkwmfCxed2-vej0sCbfaUOkrYehoOtYLsi5RsaJ89tMICYg9kSvnW04C1rWn9y509wABfhfCG6OeFFTkazDek5ZaEJUNEiI_9HwQOwvoE90fEYNLjftSXjwexdDeESU4oK8DKYlPT1Pv6N/s2048/IMG_2257.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMZRv7RWpYzsPXJKP4GX3Tf1WKk_2Gt7H9sMzrb5t23TZkwmfCxed2-vej0sCbfaUOkrYehoOtYLsi5RsaJ89tMICYg9kSvnW04C1rWn9y509wABfhfCG6OeFFTkazDek5ZaEJUNEiI_9HwQOwvoE90fEYNLjftSXjwexdDeESU4oK8DKYlPT1Pv6N/w340-h281/IMG_2257.jpeg" width="340" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p> </p><p><br /></p>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-60108950834224731942022-03-26T00:20:00.001-07:002022-03-26T00:20:47.116-07:00Daughter to Mother <p><span style="background-color: white;">Mother to daughter, Yang Hee Eun & Kim Chang Ki</span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white;"> <span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I thought I had just closed my eyes for a brief second<br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">But I've already become old</span></span></h3><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I thought you would always be a little child</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">But you're already grown</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I still don't know life very well</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">So I don't have much to say to you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">But with this heart wishing you more happiness</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I search inside my chest for words to tell you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Go study" no, that's too mundane</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Always be kind" no, even I couldn't do that</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Love no, that's a hard thing to do</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">Find your own way in life</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I thought I had lived life long enough</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">But I'm only 15 years old</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I wanted to always be that lovely daughter of yours</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">But I'm already so unlovable</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I still don't know life very well</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">So I have a lot of things I want to learn</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">But when you just keep repeating the same words to me</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">I shut the door to my heart more tightly</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Go study" I know how important that is too</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Always be kind" can't you see I'm trying?</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Love" I don't want to hurt myself further</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">Just let me find my own way in life</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Go study" no, that's too mundane</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Always be kind" no, even I couldn't do that</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">"Love no, that's a hard thing to do</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">Find your own way in life</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">Can you forgive me for not being a better mother?</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">Can you promise me that you'll be a better mother than me?</span></span><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.524px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.524px;">....</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.524px;"><br /></span></span></div><div>Suddenly I miss you mak,</div><div>Amid my busy life,</div><div>At times, I forget you </div><div>and I am sorry as I know your whole life you never stop thinking of me</div><div><br /></div><div>But now I try to only remember the good times </div><div>So I will stop regretting and hurting myself </div><div>Thou I hope I can be a better daughter to you</div><div>Nothing can be changed now</div><div><br /></div><div>Perhaps, that is how you feel as well</div><div><br /></div><div>But Mak, let me tell you one thing for certain</div><div>You are the perfect mother to me</div><div>The most forgiving and patience </div><div>The strongest kind I could not compare to be </div><div><br /></div><div>I know if you are here your never-ending prayers would keep my anxiety and weary heart at ease </div><div>You would stop watching television so I can study </div><div>Although you are not sleepy both of you will pretend to sleep so I could focus on my study </div><div>Now I know that all the things that would get me annoyed are all the things I wish I could continue doing </div><div><br /></div><div>Not a day passed by, I will doubt His plan</div><div>For everything that happened has its course </div><div>From the day I have to come back instead staying in the UK </div><div>I am glad I came back </div><div>For deciding to always put you both first in all my decision</div><div>At least I did something right </div><div><br /></div><div>Thank you Allah for giving me the chance to be with them until their last breath .... </div><div><br /></div><div>It is heartbreaking, for them unable to see my fight until the end </div><div>But I will continue this fight on my own</div><div>Perhaps i am not alone</div><div>They will be looking after me, I know they are </div><div>Just how they have always been </div><div><br /></div><div>If you are reading this, please make a small doa for me </div><div>My final exam will be this coming Monday/Tuesday for written exam. </div><div><br /></div><div>I miss hearing her doa </div><div>but I know she will always be praying for me</div><div>O Allah please reward my parents abundantly and forgive all their sins </div><div>may the smallest deed no matter how imperfect it is will be weight upon them accordingly </div><div><br /></div><div>I am bringing your smiles with me always</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;"><br /></span></span></div></div>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-60161710013130747712022-01-17T21:23:00.002-08:002022-01-17T21:23:49.799-08:0019/01/22<p> Tomorrow will mark 1 year that mak has left us, it might be like any other day for others but to me it will be the saddest day of my life. </p><p>Every now and then, I will miss her phone call that I used to lament about. 'Ema balik makan?'</p><p>Every now and then, I will wonder how much tissue she would have used if she is here. </p><p>Sometimes, I recalled the time we spent stuck together at the hospital and going back and forth from IJN to home, listening to Happy by Pharrell and how she said she liked that song.</p><p>How she always fall asleep in front of the television and I would always tell her to go in and go to sleep. </p><p>Everyday, as I looked back I know all her life she live for others, for me, my sister and my dad. </p><p>I hope now she is resting in a better place. </p><p>And now, every now and then, I silently pray for her happiness and still hope she will always be looking and praying for me like how she always do. This little hope thou I know those who left has no more attachment towards this worldly life keeps me alive.</p><p>I have stopped regretting, at least I am trying. Coz it is hopeless to know nothing can be changed. </p><p>There is always a special place in my heart for you mak, thou people will forget, I will never forget.</p><p> Every footsteps that I am taking, do know it is because of you that I am here now and I hope it flows like a good deed towards your soul. </p><p>Til we meet again mak, Puan Jumaah Othman, my bestfriend my most amazing person </p><p> I love you mak.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgoyZB7YoRq5uIE0plq27i-EWnGf4lXByN5nizYrTYXZE2__1njlGX2vaHKLj4o9vMTvt6pDtFo0JtRFnKDM7b5GZ-iGPBJx1vyO3ah7pgbjMRkCgN3CRgBwZESOp2UL6qLVyBr6rqXgelH6rC4TTv44jarruyAj2nZbnsF-Xrdp5dHUKlBWoXv55H4=s3264" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="3264" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgoyZB7YoRq5uIE0plq27i-EWnGf4lXByN5nizYrTYXZE2__1njlGX2vaHKLj4o9vMTvt6pDtFo0JtRFnKDM7b5GZ-iGPBJx1vyO3ah7pgbjMRkCgN3CRgBwZESOp2UL6qLVyBr6rqXgelH6rC4TTv44jarruyAj2nZbnsF-Xrdp5dHUKlBWoXv55H4=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p> </p><p><br /></p>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-14808547101571608432021-10-30T06:51:00.002-07:002021-10-30T07:08:25.304-07:00My only love<p> I was looking forward for this trip as it would supposed to be a family trip with our dad </p><p>So little that we know He has better plans for us and He took him away from us unexpectedly just how Mom left us on 13th October 2021, 12.30am. No words could described how much pain to lost 2 person whom you loved dearly within the span of 9 months but still only to Him I pray for the strength to continue on knowing this is not the end, perhaps a new beginning </p><p>Each time I think of them both, the things that come to my mind is I hope I have made them happy, maybe not everyday but I hope I made some happy memories for them just as how they have made mine. Each steps that I have made, on the person I have become I owed it all to them. And nothing I would do to changed any of them and nothing I could do to thank them enough. </p><p>I guess part of grieving is to feel remorse , for what have been done or said and what had not been done... As time goes by, we as human will tend to forget and perhaps our compensating mechanism is to remember the happy memories and forget about all the pain. And so do I, being a Muslim also taught me to strive harder for them thou they are no longer with us which for me give me much comfort and peace of mind, knowing this is not the end. </p><p>My Dear Loving Mother,</p><p>Puan Jumaah Othman</p><p> my dearest bestfriend whom I cried, laugh and loved all my life,</p><p>you taught me great love about sacrificing and being patience, </p><p>to put others before yourself,</p><p>to always smile and keep my head up no matter what challenges come my way, </p><p>even at your final moments, never you cause me any troubled just as how you always wish on your prayer</p><p>I know you will always look upon us with loved </p><p>and your kind words I shall not forget and I shall carry it with me everyday</p><p>though now at times I forget to remember you because of my worldly matters, </p><p>please know that each morning I pray that all of this effort I hope that it will be as your deeds too, for whom who have shaped me to who I am today </p><p>And for that, I pray that I will be a bit more kinder, softer yet stronger to face all of the difficulties come what may </p><p>To my beloved E, Abbas bin Sulbi,</p><p>Now there is no more E in my life, </p><p>Somehow I know we are so similar yet different, finding our common ground was always difficult but I think I did some what all right? </p><p>Always a supporter thou you never really show me your worries, someone with less words but more actions </p><p>From small you show me that caring does not need much, little but consistent, loving yet stern, and to always stand on guard to face all the challenges life may take you </p><p>And definitely, to always think of the worst case scenario and to be prepared beforehand so you don't end up in trouble </p><p>Your laughter is more precious than anything as we don't get that often </p><p>and I know I shall miss that more than ever </p><p>I still do remember my first biggest fight with my dad, it was at home, because I wanted to go to the UK to continue my study, and then for wearing my hijab. </p><p>But I promised myself that day, that I want to be the reason and the one who hold their hands to heaven.... nothing more nothing less. And perhaps I have forgotten bout that dream of mine, and now it is time to remind myself to continue on striving for that, biiznillah</p><p>O Allah, I swear by Your name, them both have raised me well, and I hope that You would look upon them with love and with Your Grace to forgive all of their sins. Kindly shower Your rahmah and blessings upon them until the day I got to hold their hands and walk together in Jannah, insyaAllah </p><p>I am not looking back, but looking forward </p><p>I will strive and not be put down no matter how hard this will be </p><p>I am not alone and never be alone because I know you both will always stay with me in my heartful memories </p><p>I may cry and laugh, but I will always remember you both </p><p>I love you Mak and E </p><p>From your imperfect daughter who was always busy at work but never did you both laments </p><p>Lailatulema Abbas </p><p>Til we meet again.... </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxipBG8w0bGJb0RegO2ekBzwCGfxz2Um-pNk8LOfUR8mdHhBWL0IDtH5iMBnGoeug3FL-A1QgGh1ki5wU7evJo5pUBVAIGvHu3KKcsopmPGb4pYRTts0RKiQkxiouOEdSQy4Wo2LBPX1s/s2048/IMG_3524.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxipBG8w0bGJb0RegO2ekBzwCGfxz2Um-pNk8LOfUR8mdHhBWL0IDtH5iMBnGoeug3FL-A1QgGh1ki5wU7evJo5pUBVAIGvHu3KKcsopmPGb4pYRTts0RKiQkxiouOEdSQy4Wo2LBPX1s/s320/IMG_3524.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFnrYUMus4_-1NcxbOQMd7CPBNozDXPPB709DyNY4MB-U9aTN0uoARJOyxbKWMCPh5kwNJZaoAfMu8dvTH9gq1pvoZnyZj4O0EuUdc0SWQsOooZACfu7n01axQVniCmXkyfIK8xp1nRzI/s2048/IMG_5237.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFnrYUMus4_-1NcxbOQMd7CPBNozDXPPB709DyNY4MB-U9aTN0uoARJOyxbKWMCPh5kwNJZaoAfMu8dvTH9gq1pvoZnyZj4O0EuUdc0SWQsOooZACfu7n01axQVniCmXkyfIK8xp1nRzI/s320/IMG_5237.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFxrvZGSEHmMkWYsQUODnuqtZ4K3ZD9HA8vwXPULqXJjUuCRWb7Efh1c7mCessmQQjBisQxcxtBTzeVi0LRGXBez19Ju0I2-knwtaz2RCn_J0YEbpPLIxq5MsoXcPkoQ2Qzkv-Ok7kh0c/s2048/IMG-0937.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFxrvZGSEHmMkWYsQUODnuqtZ4K3ZD9HA8vwXPULqXJjUuCRWb7Efh1c7mCessmQQjBisQxcxtBTzeVi0LRGXBez19Ju0I2-knwtaz2RCn_J0YEbpPLIxq5MsoXcPkoQ2Qzkv-Ok7kh0c/s320/IMG-0937.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-57873623758358802432021-04-13T07:28:00.002-07:002021-04-13T07:29:27.810-07:00I miss Mak <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ONp-rvZmEzY" width="320" youtube-src-id="ONp-rvZmEzY"></iframe></div><br /> I try to hush away all the memories knowing I would break down with regrets <p></p><p>I am not looking forward for this Ramadhan... I know I am at lost </p><p>and so Allah I seek strength from You</p><p>Give me the passion to do my best this Ramadhan thou it is hard to bear not having her with me </p><p>I did not spent much time last year Ramadhan as it was Covid time hence I was away most of the time at my rented house </p><p>That hurts .... </p><p>She never ask for anything</p><p>Now I will give everything if only she could come back </p><p>The only thing she would keep requesting or perhaps sharing her intention is to go Makkah to perform hajj/umrah</p><p>And I was praying for it to come true</p><p>I was planning to push her all around His holy home with a wheelchair, I would carry her on my back if I have to </p><p>We would wake up so early just to get as close as we can to His Kaabah </p><p>But He has better plan for us both</p><p>And I am still trying to accept His plans</p><p>It will be ok </p><p>Someday </p><p>Sooner than later </p><p>Til then dear Lailatulema </p><p>Please do good </p><p>Please do not lose hope </p><p>As He is never not with You , trust on Him </p><p>let go of the regrets for this life is only temporary .... </p>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-28600569570926255762021-03-06T23:38:00.002-08:002021-03-06T23:38:25.952-08:00A tribute to my mother<p> I don't even know where to begin ...</p><p>It has been awhile since I write on this blog, it has been too long ... </p><p>But I feel that I should write many things for her because there were too many things I didn't get the chance to tell her and so I should at least jot it down for people to know how an amazing person she is, not perfect but just perfect for me and so others might benefit and learn to love their dearest mother more and feel less regrets. And because all memories tend to fade and I am scared so will mine hence I want to capture her while everything is still fresh and beautiful in my memories no matter how hard this is </p><p>My mom's name is Jumaah binti Othman, she was born on 5th May 1950 in Hospital Kuala Lumpur</p><p>her father was a health inspector whom she adored and respect dearly, I remember the story where she told me that during each raya her father will bring her to the salon and get her hair perm along with the other kids, her father will bring her go around his car just to make them happy ;mind me that time for a Malay to have such status is something to be proud of and I know she was happy. However such happiness only last for so long as atok passed away when my mom was 8 years old. </p><p>She had to quit her school and do things that other people expected of a woman to do at that time. She told me she had a dream to become a teacher, an arabic teacher to be more specific and she wanted to go to Egypt to study but she has to leave all of that behind to care for the family. </p><p>My mother , she doesn't talk much about her own dream, but that was the only dream she ever mentioned to me. She only talk about all the good things she wanted for us it is never about her. </p><p>She then worked at a tobacco factory, i never actually talk to her much bout her work but she told me whatever issues I faced at work now, she had exactly the same, those lazy bunch , those hardworking but always been taken for granted or how she sometimes curi-curi tidur in between work. And we always just laugh at it. She would tell me, ' takpe ema sabar , buat kerja ema' and try to accomodate me no matter how hard. </p><p>And then she married my dad at late 20s it was tragic story which I don't plan to share or want to remember this part. She told me her first love did not work out hehe. She has put it all behind, before she passed away, she told her daughter in law (step) that she has forgiven everything that has been done to her, I know she is at peace and I know she meant every word of it. and I hope they would forgive her as well for everything putting aside whose fault </p><p>She would share her childhood days story where she initially stay at Jeram Kuala Selangor in a house with many household as atok like to adopt our relatives who are not well off and he would provide them with education and shelter. Nenek is someone i think resembles my mom very well, I think many would agree; such soft spoken and kind hearted but most importantly someone who is really clean!!! This is the most important thing as my mother is so organize and make sure the house is tip top squeaky clean when she was healthy, her euphoria was seeing the house shiny and sparkling clean. Even when she had glaucoma and her right eye was blind, she still want to do as much as she can to keep the house clean. My mom would tell me that she would clean the 'longkang' around our house and by that I meant really clean it using brush until it is dirtless ( please take note this word does not exists haha) </p><p>I meant who would do that? haha </p><p>I am scared I would forget her small gestures, her bright smile</p><p>I am scared one day her voice does not resonate in my ears like how it still does now </p><p>ema bangun dah 6.30</p><p>ema hari ni balik,mak nak masak nasi</p><p>emak sentiasa doakan ema berjaya dunia akhirat, lulus exam , cepat jumpa jodoh yang baik , oncall boleh tido </p><p>For only memories are all I have now , so please dear me, please remember, try hard to remember someone who you called a mother for 35 years of your life, the greatest moment where her smile counts more than her tears. her well wishes and motivation drives you to the end of the world without hesitation knowing she is there all the time. Never once she ever not scold me for the wrong things i did, kena cili sebab i did swore or behave badly, I can never not be thankful for that made me a person that I am today. someone I can say she could be proud of, i hope.... </p><p>I hope I made her happy even for a seconds.</p><p>I hope He will keep her soul together with those who is pious and blessed by Him, </p><p>I wish she is resting well and peacefully. </p><p>Please make her resting place the happiest place for her to reside and I hope one day all of us could reunite in the best place one could ever asked for </p><p>Hope and faith are the only thing that could give me comfort and face every other day of my life, insyaAllah He always tests His servant according to his capability. </p><p>I love you mak, I shall try to be a good daughter for you so your soul will be flowed by good deeds and so you will always smile like you always do </p><p>It struck me I didnt have any recent pictures with mak as I plan to put a beautiful one here .... and it hurt so bad, I wont pretend I am a good daughter .... I am sorry for all my wrong doings towards you mak. I wish when we meet again I would be your perfect daughter </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-76393230771986890562017-05-20T08:24:00.001-07:002017-05-20T08:37:08.843-07:00me amazing roommate Bismillah...<br />
<br />
I haven't done this for awhile many too long while and now I think I need to start doing what I used love doing which is writing<br />
<br />
Do you know what it means to be 30 but still feel like you are a kid? Today I feel the need to share how it feels to be living with your parents at the age of 30 because it is difficult for me that made me wonder do other people feel the same as me? and as I am trying to be a better me, this is an issue I need to improve on.<br />
<br />
With the intention of being a good daughter I decided to come back home and stay, to care for them without knowing what I have put myself into :)<br />
<br />
It is like having a roommate who is annoying but who you can't ignore unlike if it is your roommate, you can either kick them out or move houses.<br />
<br />
They are some one who you have to accept and love for who they really are,<br />
That they make me think how they must have felt when they had me as their new 'roommate' , how I use to whine and cry and how they can't get rid of me even if they want to.<br />
<br />
What I am trying to say here is,<br />
<br />
As I grow older, I am seeing the other side of my parents and myself, how I used to treat and look at them 10 years ago and now is completely different, although I am not so sure about how their feelings towards me now. I used to depend on them to tell me what to do and how I should behave but now I have my own preferences and I got easily irritated when they are doing what they used to do before.<br />
<br />
I love going to nice cafes, while my roommate like the mamak stall<br />
I love to sleep all day long while my roommate become amazed at how much I can sleep,<br />
I love travelling and try new things, while my roommate stick to the same old routined and refused to change<br />
I love things clean and in order, while my roommate like things messy<br />
<br />
We argue, we quarrel and sometimes we cry and laugh<br />
But at the end of the day, I have to keep in mind that they are not just my roommate but they are both the most important person in my life,<br />
A mother who has sacrificed her whole life and time just to raise me and made me who I am,<br />
Someone who always put myself before herself,<br />
A father who has tried his best to provide all that I need and protect me from all the cruelty of this world,<br />
<br />
These are the things which I sometime always forget just because I am not a kid anymore.<br />
I have this idea that because I am an adult no one can told me off , I have my own personality and never want to be somebody else but me,<br />
But know this my adult self,<br />
<br />
your roommate now, will be the most lovable and reliable roommate you could have in your life, like ever!<br />
how lucky you are that many of your adult friends do not have the chance that you have now and plant a garden full of deeds,<br />
and one day when your roommate leave this worldly life you can never find a replacement worth their worth,<br />
<br />
and so Lailatulema Abbas,<br />
<br />
be more understanding of your roommate,<br />
enjoy being a kid while you can,<br />
once in a while it is time for you to let them be the kid,<br />
let them whine, sulk or hates you just like how you were before,<br />
and then, make up laugh and love again<br />
<br />
just because when you love it will hurt even more then you know you really loved :)<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-34831864171809047322015-09-16T12:52:00.001-07:002015-09-16T12:58:17.417-07:00Because life is all about surviving the challenges Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah<br />
<br />
For giving me the chance to breath ....<br />
Where should I start?<br />
<br />
Maybe with age I stumbled easily on my words even on my footsteps not forgetting my memory too<br />
<br />
:)<br />
<br />
This smile hidden a thousand meaning, trying to make up for the time that you have lost is impossible hence what you can only do is to hope for a better tomorrow<br />
<br />
I think I have put a lot of time and effort to be a good doctor to my patient and for my own peace of mind, never to think that one day it might come to get me back<br />
<br />
People may have many perception to what kind of a doctor I am, or a person I am outside/inside of work, I consider myself a workaholic who loves my patient more than I do myself at times, mistakes I have made, too many to be mentioned here, of course I hope it made me a better doctor.<br />
Certainly this experience has changed me to be a better person who loves being a doctor( although not fully happy to have to work in Malaysian health care knowing there is a better promising job prospectus )<br />
<br />
On 3rd of September 2015 at IPR I was unfortunately admitted, yes as a patient and was diagnosed with Pleura Tuberculosis on 4th of September 2015 and started on antituberculosis for 6 months. I fully understand that many doctors just like any other human being bear the risk of getting any diseases, including the incurable one. I am very thankful that myself has been infected by this disease which is curable and non-debilitating as much as the other disease may have done.<br />
<br />
But I wouldn't want this just to be a memory, I need to document this somehow so I would remember how it feels like to be a patient, more over on how much this has an impact on my own self.<br />
<br />
I have been taking care of the isolation/ tb cubicle for a month, hesitating much at first but I couldn't believe how much I have enjoyed and love the company of my patient, for the first time I actually feels that I am providing a holistic care towards my patient unlike my daily routine of treating the disease itself and having to ignore the social aspect.<br />
<br />
Every day I will meet Mr.C, Mr.S,Mr. C and few more as the 'regular'<br />
<br />
Story 1<br />
Mr.C is a mid 40s chinese man who has been on chest tube for 3 weeks by the time I took over his care , unfortunately he may have Lung Cancer which may have spread which means a poor prognosis, never once he complained to me about the pain of the chest tube, he look worried but always cooperative and smiling.<br />
<br />
He used to be a contractor -works with tiles and stuff (which I suspect may work with asbestos which may cause the Ca) who has a wonderful wife- 'isteri saya muda lagi, anak saya 5 orang' is what he always told me with tears running down his eyes.... He told me he needs to go back to work to support his family and one day I guess he could not take it anymore he absconded with the chest tube along, and amazingly he survived the 2 hours journey of riding a bus and walking 5 flight of stairs!!!<br />
<br />
And he absconded on the day I was on call and guess what I did<br />
<br />
We went to his house knowing the risk of pneumothorax with him having the intact chest tube, he actually was holding a knife pointing at me ' saya tak mahu balik wad dr' , at that point I surprisingly was not scared but I feel sad for him, he live in a small apartment , just enough for them... when I enter the room I understand why he needs to be home, to get well and how our bad news did break him...<br />
<br />
I just go near him and said, 'Saya mahu tolong uncle' and he looked at me with a sad face and alhamdulillah put down his knife, I know he would not hurt us, even more me whom I think has been a good acquaintance of his, or I hope so. <br />
<br />
We talked and the rest of it well was not important, just am thankful he is fine. and so do I<br />
<br />
Story 2<br />
Mr.A is a 25 y/o malay gentleman whom his story maybe a lot like me, perfectly well and yet not so well inside. Again having a chest tube inserted more than what has been promised but never once laments about the pain he has to go through. I thought he would lost it as well but fortunately he didn't and pull through!<br />
<br />
Many other stories that I feel like writing, unexpected diagnosis that crumble their life in just a second, or some that called for the relatives to reach out for them before letting them go for good but it would take me all night to do that.<br />
<br />
And when I saw my own CXR that day, the words spilled out ' Whose CXR was that?it is pretty bad' 'itu doktor punya xray'<br />
<br />
I still feels it was like a dream and to this day I haven't actually let it sink in yet,not fully yet at least I think I am still in the acceptance part .....<br />
<br />
Pain is only an illusion that is what I have told myself, my patient<br />
NOOOOOO it is not!<br />
<br />
Having a chest tube is definitely a different experience, trust me! With every breath I feel like a sharp knife was being cut to my lungs. And if you are not so lucky like myself, unable to tolerate tramal, having Paracetamol and NSAIDs as your only means of analgesia I just feel like it was the end. And not being able to speak or cry because it will only make the pain worst, even more every movement.<br />
<br />
I only pray that my fate will not be like my patient, to have other incurable diagnosis or having to keep the chest tube for much longer time period.<br />
<br />
At that time, I fully understand the pain they have to undergo which I overlooked most of the time. Thankfully I stayed at a first class ward with my sister who have helped me through my stay and them.... if only I could show the picture of our isolation cubicle.... and most of the time with no visitors and nurses who have no enough time to care for them due to the overcrowded of patient.<br />
<br />
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<br />
I feel more angry with the health care system... I could vent it out here but I know it will not bring any changes. Instead I think I should re think of what I should do now to be able to change the system. Maybe doing internal medicine isn't the best option...<br />
<br />
I am not the only one having this disease, surprisingly it is more common than you think. Well, we all understand it well when we sign up for this. And for me, it is just a wake up call for many things - wanting to work with UN/WHO means more risk for many other work related disease transmission, to revise my career plan and to appreciate the 5 before 5 and maybe not to work too hard<br />
<br />
(em the part for PPE I think I have done it as best as I could)<br />
<br />
Furthermore, the risk that I have put towards my family... <br />
<br />
At the end of the day, all is well , Alhamdulillah<br />
<br />
I have learnt more about myself and others, I want to thanked every one who has been wishing me well and taking the time to visit me.<br />
<br />
To my family, my amazing mom who is 65y/o and E who is 76y/o but still visit me everyday , they hired a taxi and go through all the traffic (30 mins journey could make up to 2 hours journey) ; walked up and down those stairs just to see me.... O Allah how could I repay them, I 'm sorry that I made you worried.<br />
I love you and I hope that I can take care of you both just as how you did to me.<br />
<br />
To my sister, no matter what happened, at the end I know you will have my back always. Thank you for putting aside whatever feelings that was there at that time. For caring for me like I am a baby :) I love you no matter what , i hope you understand that.<br />
<br />
Efang , I am glad you are back just in time for me,haha I know it is not for me but it was just at the right time, for driving after your dreadful day at work (still having to go to work the next morning) just to give me words of comfort and big hugs when I need it and you brought me cake! I love you<br />
<br />
See, knowing you are around made me less nervous and scared, thank you for being there and always checking up on me. I definitely owe you two a big meal!<br />
<br />
Nad, your visits meant a lot, that long talk was due for far too long! I miss you and I am happy to see you, I hope you will pass your exam and everything goes well for everything, you know what I mean. I love you<br />
<br />
Sharon for always checking up on me, my relatives, colleagues, specialist,friends near and far - for the prayer and wishes, thank you. (sorry that I couldn't mention all names)<br />
<br />
Seriously I don't think I can get through this without any of you<br />
<br />
To all my colleagues in this field, please take good care of yourself, take the necessary precautions and work hard but enjoy your life too please!<br />
<br />
I hope I will be strong no matter what lies ahead<br />
,not knowing what awaits me...<br />
in this journey in searching for 'erti kehambaan, hakikat kehidupan'<br />
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Somehow I feel like my life is like a cable car, hanging in one end not knowing when will I reach the destination, but the route to the destination is scary at times, still with an amazing view, at times you have difficulties going up at times it goes downhill so smoothly and you get too carried away on the surrounding that you forget your destination<br />
<br />
And for me I will take a long break to rest and just enjoy my life doing whatever :)<br />
<br />
Call me up for some catching up! I'll be free :) or just wait for my calls, this definitely teach me not to wait for later but treasure the now!<br />
<br />
<br />Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-26734761980017799062015-04-12T12:18:00.002-07:002015-04-12T12:18:46.846-07:00Making another new chapter in my lifeSo many times that I said this to myself, to be a better me than the day before and many times I failed so today I decided I need to start writing again so I will not fail again , if that is even possible<br />
<br />
Live life with no regrets<br />
<br />
I hate shaytan and how good they are at making us thinking about WHAT IF! they are just so good at this game and I am so bad at it that this habit of thinking has become the big China wall that stops me from being happy and live my life to the fullest.<br />
<br />
What happens, happened. <br />
<br />
Learning to let go is one of the hardest thing to do as well<br />
<br />
I make mistakes.<br />
<br />
I am not God hence it is normal but what differs is that you learn from the mistake and not to REPEAT it again.<br />
As my job involves people's life I need to admit I am a perfectionist but few times I do make mistake which results in my patient's care and it hurts me badly. Being an MO definitely bears more weight on this shoulder which make me restless at time, the will to do something good can turn to be the opposite and you may end up with a death in your hand. Guilt and all the negativity can drown you , or maybe it is just me being bad at dealing with it, I will think so , so I can let it go and learn from it. So I can be a better doctor. Being a Muslim helps me so much, knowing that only He is the Most Protector and Helper, and me being a Dr. and not a life saviour, I am just there to help and give my best, where else the results is no where within my power.<br />
<br />
I am happy to be back, I won't lie to myself I never regretted of coming back but at the end of the day, all the things that happened since I got here has been planned perfectly by Him, I thanked Him for giving the opportunity to care for my mak and E. O Allah please never let this heart and body become tired to care for them coz I know how easy it is for me to take things for granted.<br />
<br />
so that is my first lesson<br />
tomorrow shall be another story to make a better me<br />
<br />
insyaAllahLailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-78339469834394812582015-01-06T06:03:00.000-08:002015-01-06T06:03:01.282-08:00Erti kehambaan, hakikat kehidupanAssalamualaikum,<br />
<br />
It's been so long since I have written anything in my blog. How time flies and not one second this life has not been meaningful in its own special way. No words could express how 2014 has been one of the most challenging year of my life, just as how Malaysia has gone through all the misfortunate events, I too felt the same way.<br />
<br />
I started writing so I could learnt and become a better person as human is such a forgetful creature, and I am certainly one of those species. Looking back at the things I have written surely give me some strength and faith to this life, and what I am about to write today I hope will make me smile in the future as well, as I have enough tears to shed.<br />
<br />
2014, countless blessings in the form of trials were given to me,<br />
having to face it all alone was difficult and now I can imagined how my sister felt back then when I was away, and I hope Lailatulain Abbas you know how it felt for me too.<br />
<br />
Allah certainly knows how to call me back whenever i waiver on this path,<br />
and I am very thankful to Him. O Allah I know I complaint more than my share, I can never be perfect in Your eye but I do hope the slightest smallest steps I make will keep me safe to You, always until the end of this journey.<br />
<br />
I am re thinking all of my priorities and future plan,<br />
<br />
I learnt that life is full of surprises and not every thing will go according to plan,<br />
to have patience is such a difficulties but with time, if you just wait, you will be amazed at how much you can put up with,<br />
I need to let go of the sacrifices that I have made,<br />
to be sincere is hard to do, to forget and not expecting anything in return will set the soul free and make me a happier person,<br />
I have to accept that I will make mistakes,<br />
even more in this field that I have fallen in love so deeply with,<br />
to be human means to get back from each fall and to learnt not to make the same mistakes twice,<br />
I have to stop judging people,<br />
to be fair to myself and so i will just continue making the smallest change I can do because I want to do it with/without others because I judge people so they'll be like me which is unfair<br />
I will love as much as I can although it hurt,<br />
to love is to get hurt, then only you know it is true, nothing else more to it<br />
<br />
I pray for a better year this year,<br />
I hope to be a better person than the year before,<br />
to grow as much as I will enjoy this life,<br />
and please O Allah let me meet my other half if it is the best, maybe while in a trip and maybe someone from different culture, background :) <br />
<br />
Please I so need to join usrah with istiqamah!<br />
<br />
and please keep my mak n E healthy and guide all of us to Your path. Ameen Ya Rabb.<br />
<br />
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<br />Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-81378057867774692192015-01-06T04:51:00.001-08:002015-01-06T04:51:35.101-08:00back to the past, written in June 2014 <div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I wish to make a novel out of my life but maybe that is a bit too much so I will just write it here in my blog, just as a reminder for myself to be a better me, to be thankful of each steps and blessing that He has given to me...</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">i also learnt that this life is full of unexpected things, be it good or bad you can never anticipate what may happen. You do such a well planned but at the end He will decide how things will turn, I have hoped to pass my MRCP part two by this year and travel at least to 2/3 countries never expecting that it will be such this tough ride. I cried but not as much as I thought I should have and I thanked Him for that. I planned so much for this year 2014 as I pray that this life as an MO will be a better life but He planned something better for me...</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">He wants to teach me about what is important in this life, He is giving me a chance of a lifetime :) to care for my only and one MOTHER, so much that I have to sacrifice for this...</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<ul>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">financial crisis </span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">my career development, all those planned need to be postponed until she is well and get back on her feet</span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">my work progress as i am taking half paid leave which will affect my services later on </span></li>
<li class="li1"><span class="s1">traveling as my priority now is my family, as the only breadwinner and carer of the family I need to set my priority right one wrong decision will also cause a devastated effect to those I loved</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">weighting through it all is difficult, many times I shed my tears thinking why must it be me, am I a bad person, did I not do Him right? but many times it occurred to my mind, have you forgotten of all the blessings He has given to you? do you expect a rosy pathway after all of these? further more being much separated to the path I used to take, I actually deserve this! I shouldn’t spent my time dwelling too much on the problems asking all the 5Ws’ in stead I should think about the solution and be grateful that He is knocking on my door and so I continue on although it is hard to bear... </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">my family is such of peculiar to others but also to myself... if only you knew... if only i could share, Allahu Allah and so I get lonely easily on this road, unlike others... I dislikes their action but I love them as well. He is truly testing my sincerity and faith... but know one thing for sure, the story of Prophet Ibraham will always be my favorite, a story where I would hold dearly until the end... </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">know that not everything needs an explantion</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">things happened, just because</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">you have the right to question but you have no power to change it</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">and so you find your ground and reasoned with it and continue on</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">accepting it will be hard but it will come a day when your heart will be at peace</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">maybe not now but some day</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">so just smile and treasure the moment that you are living now</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">stop regretting the past</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">start looking for what matters most</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">get lost in the way but always come back to the guided path</span></div>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">and that’s your faith</span></div>
Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-24210139565939984502013-12-19T05:46:00.001-08:002013-12-19T05:46:49.274-08:00Give me strength It make me wonder if i stay would it been better... I did what i did because of them and yet this heart keep on breakiNG.... I KNOW i am not good enough.. .. I tried i failed and i keep on trying but it is never good enough... I see others smiling and genuinely treasuring what they have... Why can't we be like that ? Only He knows what goes through my mind and heart... I wish only for 'keluarga bahagia' but i can only smile in jealousy watching others ooo how i wish.... I pray and i pray.... I know all of these is to purify my intention... And SO Allah please make me strong... As i am growing weaker and weaker, almost on the edge of breaking down... Whatever holds in front me i shall be fine as long as You are with me. And so please guide me... Make me strong... Why must this heart complicate things... Lailatulema abbas just do it...Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-4404733723749464152013-12-11T06:13:00.000-08:002013-12-11T06:13:51.086-08:00Mak & E & b'day Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah<br />
<br />
For I am still breathing at the age of 27y/o on the 6th of December 2013, I can never thank Him enough for all the things that He has given me, never once He has disowned me although many times I feel otherwise being a weak servant of His.<br />
<br />
Finally, my MO years will start here in Batu Pahat district Johor. Another chapter of my life in my search to find true meaning of this life...<br />
<br />
There is only two person in my life who thought the real meaning of Love, being foreign to have a lover's love in which I am not actively searching for one as the love I currently has suffice me. And this year I want to be more and more thankful than before in my heart, my act and word and so I am telling this story....<br />
<br />
I learnt that love will make you smile and cry,<br />
It is a cure but can also be a poison,<br />
That it is beautiful when you longed for it,<br />
That yes it is true, distance makes the heart grow fonder,<br />
and a mother's love & father's love can never be replaced,<br />
That no matter how grown up you think of yourself you will always be their small child who needs protection and affection.<br />
<br />
But, they are also human being,<br />
Who hates being alone,<br />
Who needs all the love in the world could give,<br />
Who loves them and their dark side,<br />
And to know that some day they will leave this world and hope to see their child survive in this cruel world safe and sound<br />
<br />
My father is a peculiar and an odd man, a man that I can never manage to understand no matter how hard I try, who is only a human being with many weaknesses that I hope a father wouldn't have but he is MY father, the only man who always put me first before others, who with all his might tries to be the best father he could be (within his own perspective)<br />
<br />
My mother showed great courage and patience raising us, taking care of my father that I can never imagine I could achieve. Who has been test with many difficulties since she was born but never she has given up, she always manage to strive through all of the trials and I hope that she will pass this current test as well. ameen.<br />
<br />
Mak, E looking back 27 years of my life I am never good enough of a daughter for both of you, full of complains and rudeness, at times I cause you to cry, this year I hope to be a better daughter to both of you because this 2 years of my life I learnt so much about life and death, being old and alone, how sharp can words be especially from the loved one, I hope and I pray that Allah will give the patience to care for you with all my might, although at times I will behave childishly, and I start off by this... I don't think I need to tell a tale of what I have gone through but it is difficult, only Allah's know, and I hope He is looking down on us and will guide us so we can be together in Jannah, the only thing that I ask of Him...<br />
<br />
I hope He will give us time to experience 'syurga di dunia' together... ameen ya Rabb<br />
-Alhamdulillah so happy mak dah pakai tudung , how can I be thankful enough o Allah, forgive all of our sins.ameen<br />
<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/P_r8pDziQKE" width="420"></iframe>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-77836360275158697782013-10-26T07:24:00.003-07:002013-10-26T07:24:22.973-07:00I did it my way'you did all the dangerous things that I dislike'<br />
<br />
... It appears as I have always been a disappointment to him... but this is my way, my way to treasure my life, to feel that I am alive<br />
<br />
Alhamdulillah I managed to do wall climbing today <a href="http://www.camp5.com/">http://www.camp5.com/</a> and it was amazing and I want to do it again probably being serious about it too!<br />
<br />
With a bruise at my right elbow as a proved that I did it ,I went home feeling satisfied to reach my short term goal.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Today I learnt,<br />
<br />
.. getting down is much harder than climbing up, this makes me think about those people who committed suicide due to bankruptcy after reaching their highest point in their life and suddenly being hit hard to the lowest point in their life, that must how it feels like. And life is just that, you thought that after reaching/passing the things that you aimed for you are done for but unfortunately you will find another bumpy rides, but you just have to go on, you can't cling on to the present forever<br />
<br />
the third climb I was feeling fatigue and trembling, just like how life is, after facing all the challenges you will feel tired, it is for sure, so you just need to take a rest, refill back all the energy you needed and then continue climbing those obstacles just like you have done before<br />
<br />
getting hurt along the way is normal, it is the risk that all of us destined to experience but that is what that will make you stronger and a beautiful prove that you did it! with much hardship I succeeded :)<br />
<br />
This 6 days of long awaited holiday, I may not be flying high experiencing other people culture and life, but I learnt to know about my current self and manage to set up few goals in my life just to get me back in the game, this 2 years as a HO really has changed me, I hope it is for the better<br />
<br />
<br />Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-81354570260770054212013-10-22T08:02:00.000-07:002013-10-22T08:02:07.650-07:00Anonymous, P/S I adore youI have just watched one of the talk show who interviewed one of the celebrity (which I don't know who) and how she mentioned most of her life she was shadowed by the need to have a man to define who she really was...<br />
<br />
and I was astonished at how true her words are, most of the women I have met, including those near to me for example my mother feels exactly the same way...<br />
<br />
and me without realising this before am thankful for I am at peace for not having any men to over shadow or to define who I am, definitely due to Him and the gift to be able to understand the real meaning of life.<br />
<br />
With the opportunity that I get to study in the UK and travel to some part of the world, I must say that it is just how it is any where in this world, I am not saying that it is wrong, certainly it is a bless to find that perfect match and for him to be able to protect and perfect each other BUT<br />
<br />
it is also all right to not meet that special person and be happy with what you have...<br />
<br />
not to be judgemental towards me for not having any one to hold my hands and walk with me when I am outside.<br />
<br />
I learnt that I, naneun,<br />
<br />
Love maturity with a brainer,<br />
Looks doesn't matter,<br />
As long you have a sincere and warmth heart,<br />
Treasure life just as much as death,<br />
Love a life with guided freedom,<br />
Look forward for the journey rather than reaching the destination,<br />
Willing to sacrifice for the sake of others although we may ended up hurting each other<br />
<br />
til then, I am content with what I have and all I can say is Alhamdulillah<br />
<br />
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<h3>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.5px;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>geogjeonghaji maseyo ;)</i></span></span></h3>
Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-83376117626439501242013-10-20T01:51:00.001-07:002013-10-20T01:51:25.634-07:00Transitional period which bring no changes<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Every one expect for a better change in their life, and so do I.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Life is an ever going long journey for the mind,soul and physical,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There will never be an end to it unless He decided that it is the time,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And until then, you shall continue in this journey with all your might,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No matter how tough it gets,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">With your very last breath you are suppose to strive and leave the rest to Him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And with only faith that your heart can be at peace,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Knowing that only Him that matters and life here means nothing more than a play.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgROoBuSypN-n8o8OUmuCoFrCjbgdP29FUWgbBuM2iDkzb2KYw0f17wIBFZ4THRMHQ_KNXRYiOJ8ipa8aDKQW_45HrpcEQNeq981RDMeuKzCvN8YC2NYYVP6wkqIvmCerwIpvXKq5S9Od8/s1600/P1012573.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgROoBuSypN-n8o8OUmuCoFrCjbgdP29FUWgbBuM2iDkzb2KYw0f17wIBFZ4THRMHQ_KNXRYiOJ8ipa8aDKQW_45HrpcEQNeq981RDMeuKzCvN8YC2NYYVP6wkqIvmCerwIpvXKq5S9Od8/s320/P1012573.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just like how the sun shine, refreshing and brightened up the life, never it fails</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On the 18th of October 2013 marked my day as an MO, unfortunately I know nothing will change nor be better. Life gets tougher as you go on, so I know I will pull through, but these two years taught me a lot about myself and others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The extent to people will go to achieve what they believe,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">which is a good thing in the beginning but when it is not properly guided and not taking into consideration that we are all human,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It will all falls down.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am not a better doctor or person at all to be saying all these, furthermore talking about managing human resources as I have the opportunity to manage human per se in a large level but I think I deserve to say this out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><u>1.Think of us as human, chebal!</u></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am not just a doctor, I am also a daughter to two patients who need my tender love and care, I am a sister and I am human, who gets tired and deserve a break. Let me break this down...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; line-height: 16.796875px;"><i>In France is since 1 July 2002 the legal length of the working week 35 hours in all types of companies. The working day may not exceed 10 hours. The maximum working day may be extended to 12 hours under a collective agreement. In principle, no more than 48 hours a week may be worked. Overtime payments are: </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; line-height: 16.796875px;"><i>• 25 % an hour for each of the first eight hours of overtime </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; line-height: 16.796875px;"><i>• 50 % extra for each hour after that</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; line-height: 16.796875px;"><i>Night work performed between 21 hours and 6 hours may not in principle exceed 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week (44 hours if governed by decree or collective agreement). Night work is compensated with weekly rest days or extra pay.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px; margin: 0px;">Holiday</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;">In France all workers have a right to paid leave once they have worked at least 1 month during the years. Workers are then entitled to two-and-a-half working days leave for each month worked five weeks of paid leave per year worked. France has 10 public holidays. </span></i></span><br />
<span style="color: #111111;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; line-height: 16.796875px;"><i>*http://www.cfe-eutax.org/taxation/labor-law/france</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;">Obviously I am not asking for this amazing law to be implemented here in Malaysia as this law is being implemented after many years of revolution and becoming a developed country, but I am asking that we stop comparing the current system with the old ones which is worst and start thinking ahead and working towards achieving this instead. There is no point to look back, history is to be learnt not to be repeated.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111;"><span style="line-height: 16.796875px;"><b><u>2. Appreciate your good workers</u></b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;">It is a habit in Malaysia, even the culture not to praise or reward those who qualify but if it is a negative thing, the news spread in seconds. How disappointing, when I was in the UK, it is a positive feedback where you will be appreciated for your good things and be criticise in a NON HUMILIATING way by your superior. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #111111;"><span style="line-height: 16.796875px;">I think I am a good worker! but because of that I was being attacked many times, taking for granted in all possible ways and still I tend to be just the way I am because I believe in this world, what you give you get back. And to my all colleagues who I disregard as not so good workers, I can understand why you act the way you do but please buckle up and get your life straight, deal with your matters, seek help but do not run away and cause other people trouble because the system is all ready a failure and if we, ourself unable to function then it will worsened the current situation and the viscous cycle just continue without failure! </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #111111;"><span style="line-height: 16.796875px;">It will be a better environment if we work as a team and carry the burden together and stop being selfish! This is a reminder especially to myself. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #111111;"><span style="line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #111111;"><span style="line-height: 16.796875px;"><b><u>3. Tolerance and fairness</u></b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #111111;"><span style="line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span></span></span>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ5TyjZ8Eff0HZ5FHpjz6e-m3zXix6GlF5D4RGJm_64Ec4RCKKh9fuCCtkL6mJOtyrnGCRHSU-byUPhCA8jtSof3WCRyHLg1fJTyv0RDULB7bQEtrV9wTVaRoCK755pUWCSycOzSLzvyk/s1600/P1012385.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ5TyjZ8Eff0HZ5FHpjz6e-m3zXix6GlF5D4RGJm_64Ec4RCKKh9fuCCtkL6mJOtyrnGCRHSU-byUPhCA8jtSof3WCRyHLg1fJTyv0RDULB7bQEtrV9wTVaRoCK755pUWCSycOzSLzvyk/s320/P1012385.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">no point if only one side is putting the effort right?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">
One thing I learnt is no one in Malaysia, and I meant it!!! NO ONE act like the way they want to be treated be it on the road, the mall ooo the toilet (don't even get me started on that) or at work, all we think is about ourself,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>I am the only one that is late!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>I know it is a fast lane counter but what the heck other people is doing it too- and there you are with groceries fully loaded in your cart!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Cleanliness??? Doesn't matter it is not my job let the cleaner do them! I pay my income tax</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">How do you think we are going to survive? Have you been nowhere but Malaysia? How you ever heard of the swiss cheese model theory? Our mind is still too narrow to know how much better it is in the other part of the world. Your heart refuse to study that even if you are a third world country you still can have a mind of a developed country. But here all we do is complaint, not realising that the change begins within ourself (dig about the butterfly effect would you please! ) and it start with the thought that, I would live my life by acting exactly how I want to be treated by others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Since I am in ED all I heard about is complaints and do you how lame it is? Especially when you act like a time bomb, being reactive rather than proactive. That is pathetic! You only see problems if there is a complaint, if not life goes on, sop or not no one cares. From the lowest of the hierarchy to the top man. I shall not debate on that today as I am too disappointed with our politician.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgobYqjXys0zDARPZDXl2XEjAUW78mX2mOG0AVl6TqBQJTU9OORfDN0zcDI5HixE06loypDP-El2WB6V2HPp6yK3gtHuTO6aMP46JGZ_mLkL19j7xXSBKMAcs9PT1tqwYlWs2cVdIzToTo/s1600/P1012501.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgobYqjXys0zDARPZDXl2XEjAUW78mX2mOG0AVl6TqBQJTU9OORfDN0zcDI5HixE06loypDP-El2WB6V2HPp6yK3gtHuTO6aMP46JGZ_mLkL19j7xXSBKMAcs9PT1tqwYlWs2cVdIzToTo/s320/P1012501.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prevention is better than cure, this picture is taken at Taroko National Park where you have to use the head gear in case any rocks fall upon you not that it ever happen</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In my opinion if we all practice this way of thinking we will be more tolerance and fair to ourself and others. I love all humans, I think it is a blessing that HE created us so differently with the complexity but one true thing remains, we only want good things in our life, so does others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So please let us change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">-I am at times, getting drifted away in this opportunistic society, forgetting how I dislikes to be treated the way I have been treated, so please remind me, O Allah keep me steadfast in Your way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><u>4. Dream high , it may just come true</u></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know this just another crappy notes about a HO who can't cope with the stress bla bla bla, you know what I am now a MO and still I feel the same. So it is not about me being a HO, MO or specialist (coz you can bet, me being me, I will still have a lot to say when I am there :) ) it is about me being a person, His servant in this world, who want a better world to live in, for my future generation. I see this as a problem at all level, the education,company level etc. I am sure this happens everywhere but probably that we talked too much.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I will start with this dream, that I believe many of my colleagues/friends/ Malaysian who share the same dream will work/crawl/run/jump etc( it doesn't matter) towards achieving it,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Let us make a change,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>A change that begins by changing ourself,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Please,smile when I smile at you, because I honestly feels like giving up at times at changing,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>And your smile just may give me new hope,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>I will stop pointing fingers,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>I will just move on,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>As this path will bring me to a better me,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>As long as I believe in what I believe,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>As long as I treat others just how I want to be treated,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Towards a better world for you and for me!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">-I am not expecting anything in return, I am just longing for that excitement to come back to work because I love to do what I do, to study because I thirst for knowledge and to love because I want to, and none of this should happen because I have to! I am told to...my life is too short for this, and that is how I learnt about sincerity....</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzmKRNn5FnkQEV4n-2gJxNPakr_f3SOajv3wgmIRo1b_T_C3KcW0cesWXQtjTUcZs-RgoYlldGwnwvZxSo5IUiE2J9mghse8wLjdQQxlbCSP9ikaXbl0Cks2SWNh5hXOQhsOkq7t5HlG0/s1600/P1012688.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzmKRNn5FnkQEV4n-2gJxNPakr_f3SOajv3wgmIRo1b_T_C3KcW0cesWXQtjTUcZs-RgoYlldGwnwvZxSo5IUiE2J9mghse8wLjdQQxlbCSP9ikaXbl0Cks2SWNh5hXOQhsOkq7t5HlG0/s320/P1012688.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Knowledge, travelling and a man(em that one need an extra effort) </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
-I wonder do I talk too much because I study in the UK? Am I wronged on how I think?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">you know point no.4 is a very important recipe ;) I think He has granted most of my dreams, Allahu Allah, countless blessings, thank you o Allah. So never look down upon the power of dreaming. All in all, all is good. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHHqwHznVqjr22i3UezU_KxGpzFXIpJFxA8XSzHMgfSTThJsGAFYn_0OfLPscK_O8FDxlIuf3hRIVMhnufYasUynspCPMxwDtNP-qC0aKhFigw3_diQlqnQOeiHACR0RfywyR3nfOpD1I/s1600/P1012364.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHHqwHznVqjr22i3UezU_KxGpzFXIpJFxA8XSzHMgfSTThJsGAFYn_0OfLPscK_O8FDxlIuf3hRIVMhnufYasUynspCPMxwDtNP-qC0aKhFigw3_diQlqnQOeiHACR0RfywyR3nfOpD1I/s320/P1012364.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Recent to Taiwan, I just want to be happy :) and this picture makes me happy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.796875px;"><br /></span>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-5427967965541368762013-09-12T06:16:00.001-07:002013-09-12T06:16:08.216-07:00The most amazing women in my life<div class="p1">
Again,</div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">His test befall upon that soul,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Just as His promise,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">She said that word that always make me become speechless,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">‘All my life I have been tested but all I can do is be patience.’</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Indeed you have me dear beloved,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Only Him and me know how much you have been through,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Since I was little, tears never leave you,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Just as He promise,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">He is always testing you,me... us</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Again I keep asking why, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">searching for the reason or maybe someone to blame,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">But at the end that is not what this test is for,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Life is too short to dwell on why or why not,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">It is about finding the meaning in every steps that we take,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Hence, instead of asking why, I should be asking what and how will we get through this,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And we will get through this,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Together,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">As long as He is with us,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Even if the sky fall upon us,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We will be all right,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">InsyaAllah.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">O Allah, I think every soul is trying their best to survive in this cruel world, although it may seem wrong, I know you are the Most Merciful and Forgiving, and I know you know our deepest intention on all the action that we have taken. Hence, do forgive my mother and father for all their sins, let all of this test be Your way to show Your Mercy for the hereafter, because if I dwell on the why for this temporary world, it hurt so much, but I keep on thinking for the hereafter and it make me feel at ease, to know that a person can suffer so much here but to be certain that with patience we’ll have a better eternal life.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Do give me strength to be a good daughter for my mother, to be perseverance in taking care of her and to be her eye to see if it may come to be ... naudzubillah. Please grant my wish to bring my mother to Makkah in time. ameen ya Rabb. Please let this be a door for us to a better servant of Yours.ameen </span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-54833951779721776392012-12-05T17:26:00.000-08:002012-12-05T17:28:50.702-08:00A thank you noteAllahu Allah,<br />
<br />
26 and still breathing, thank you Allah.<br />
<br />
I shall not ask for more than what I have now because I know that this soul shall never be satisfied with the worldly things, thus I am praying that what is left of my time here will be used wisely for your sake. Ameen.<br />
<br />
That is all I need, I remember 2 years ago I want to instill this sunnah, <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px; text-align: center;">“Sangat mengagumkan kepada seorang mukmin, sebab segala keadaannya untuk ia sangat baik, dan tidak mungkin terjadi demikian kecuali bagi seorang mukmin: jika mendapat nikmat ia bersyukur, maka syukur itu sangat baik baginya dan bila menderita kesusahan ia bersabar, maka sabar itu lebih baik baginya.” (Hadis riwayat Muslim)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px; text-align: center;"><br /></span>
I am unsure of how I have become this past 2 years, more over being alone, away from the bi'ah solehah I always have known and love. Living in Malaysia is far more challenging that what I have expected; mentally, physically and emotionally. I fall many times and I hope that He shall forgive all the mistakes and sins I have made.<br />
<br />
The road ahead seems so hazy and unclear unlike before, this heart remain unsettled as so many obstacles and bumps lay in front of me. I wish for a life of freedom to find peace in my heart and I know in order to attain that it is not easy.<br />
<br />
Being 26 is just a number, I still have so many duties left undone, O Allah, my soul feels heavy and the weight I am carrying I feel that it is unbearable... but I have learnt one thing all this time,<br />
<br />
that <span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> 'Allah </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">burden</span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">s not a person beyond his scope' (2:286)</span><br />
<br />
just how I thought I will not be able to survive my 5 years in the UK but I did, with You.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">'And put your trust in Allah, and </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red;">sufficient</span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> is Allah as a Wakil (Trustee, or Disposer of affairs).' (3:33)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
So I shall continue on this journey with all my might, no matter how heavy and difficult it is, I will try my very best just as long as You are with me.<br />
<br />
~The end.<br />
<br />
chop!lupa plak,<br />
<br />
to all the beautiful people who put colours and shape in my life, I sincerely thanked all of you. No words can describe what you meant to me. I pray that all of you find peace and always be happy what what you have, no matter how little or big they are and continue to draw beautiful pictures in my life and others. Kamsamida :)<br />
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>LIFE</i></span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX3Cxu3AIkYhs28uLhLInouDCjR4mS0PmgTfvPxHhlyre_uTayrzlmQclYKr5sHkfD5JEZgF43LdtjXjKM0yboMrzdCVMJyWARFBstIkv_t0egICFQo535_NnY1a9KcOuaJJJVtIGEnX0/s1600/DSC03001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX3Cxu3AIkYhs28uLhLInouDCjR4mS0PmgTfvPxHhlyre_uTayrzlmQclYKr5sHkfD5JEZgF43LdtjXjKM0yboMrzdCVMJyWARFBstIkv_t0egICFQo535_NnY1a9KcOuaJJJVtIGEnX0/s320/DSC03001.JPG" width="320" /></a>is like an EMPTY canvas</div>
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shape by YOU! by CHOOSING the path and journey lay upon you<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYVsjOkT1zkJRsiWZv_9vTknal0TGVvAtI7dejkBjLDjHPId5Ce18983NqoV7EVOIwTVLRa7kJmxazmF_neVpC_zP0c_sLwn_iipqMWaLfaopXoeo873_e6avE5Ph2znGTAXaws6uEuuU/s1600/DSC02999.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYVsjOkT1zkJRsiWZv_9vTknal0TGVvAtI7dejkBjLDjHPId5Ce18983NqoV7EVOIwTVLRa7kJmxazmF_neVpC_zP0c_sLwn_iipqMWaLfaopXoeo873_e6avE5Ph2znGTAXaws6uEuuU/s320/DSC02999.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL9PdNpN5rdyIB8p19rrIZAxqGceWzn4OnIM6ffPRvYA1McN754nvdie9LuEHeXIWSb-GaESnsHR3OMlEfm9FtFYYXnLB3uLfrRnVTJSsm5Oio0swoOHG_Mrs5yMTvBygK2jGDkrHjGso/s1600/DSC02994.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL9PdNpN5rdyIB8p19rrIZAxqGceWzn4OnIM6ffPRvYA1McN754nvdie9LuEHeXIWSb-GaESnsHR3OMlEfm9FtFYYXnLB3uLfrRnVTJSsm5Oio0swoOHG_Mrs5yMTvBygK2jGDkrHjGso/s320/DSC02994.JPG" width="320" /></a>and know it for sure, you can't make it ALONE, at least your shadow will always befall you</div>
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and there will be time that you feels gloomy and lonely<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4cn1T_iDUkqgUidA2sxqfb2Tko8LIaoOcqYcoqHCmfilmI8uPdY60lobuAlD_c3x-Lu0xh9Pzb5s2Z3OJbpQxhabah7o7ljYcuCiMg2Z_hpAxyfkx4kw2clkIuvG9-CuzcWt1c7IseFI/s1600/DSC05143.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4cn1T_iDUkqgUidA2sxqfb2Tko8LIaoOcqYcoqHCmfilmI8uPdY60lobuAlD_c3x-Lu0xh9Pzb5s2Z3OJbpQxhabah7o7ljYcuCiMg2Z_hpAxyfkx4kw2clkIuvG9-CuzcWt1c7IseFI/s320/DSC05143.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNdS6-ByH_6IZvGwkDo0JEVccV0PcYWH9fjbhb4cSJqYKTcXgTJ0vtH_K26PbjAfJuKXWjG4JxRO5mDDP4jOlQCkmBw7V4fr4BG8fux4qv9GWcEFkrl6mfUXCfsbruDa63NgGHVo5FxmQ/s1600/DSC05320.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNdS6-ByH_6IZvGwkDo0JEVccV0PcYWH9fjbhb4cSJqYKTcXgTJ0vtH_K26PbjAfJuKXWjG4JxRO5mDDP4jOlQCkmBw7V4fr4BG8fux4qv9GWcEFkrl6mfUXCfsbruDa63NgGHVo5FxmQ/s320/DSC05320.JPG" width="320" /></a>on your journey to reach your dreams upon climbing those mountains</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-6EVm_Lqsa-ujtmeIWGGt4BjShBjJKJrAIDOFdXG9GMMpo-vfcaDKRBWHhj9mzKF-iybhxccuOAAOhKgd71y_iUMbx4sTSCmHv-g0tdc2e0qFtI66R-ORsWqPucsvxCsrn9r9PCNzqeQ/s1600/163740_10150354323235372_5650970_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-6EVm_Lqsa-ujtmeIWGGt4BjShBjJKJrAIDOFdXG9GMMpo-vfcaDKRBWHhj9mzKF-iybhxccuOAAOhKgd71y_iUMbx4sTSCmHv-g0tdc2e0qFtI66R-ORsWqPucsvxCsrn9r9PCNzqeQ/s320/163740_10150354323235372_5650970_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
But have faith that you will reach the top and when you get there, you would want to climb another one just because ... LIFE is as it is ! ;)<br />
<br />
so be strong, never be let down with what the world has installed for you by HIM.<br />
<br />
love n hugssss<br />
<br />
Lailatulema<br />
6/12/12<br />
<br />
p/s... one request, please stop asking when I will get married.penat la nak jawab, straight je doakan, moga cpt dpt jodoh, terima kasih.<br />
<br />Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-86740800262482352242012-06-09T06:50:00.003-07:002012-06-09T06:50:49.534-07:00Quiet lifeAlhamdulillah,alhamdulillah,alhamdulillah.<br />
<br />
Being thankful for everything that I have and unable to own.<br />
:)<br />
<br />
Practically been having a quiet life since coming back from UK,<br />
The smell of UK is fading from my clothes,<br />
The visual image is getting more hazy now,<br />
ALthough I can never forget the hardship and tears I shed there,<br />
How I ran away by taking a trip to where ever I wish in the train,<br />
Walking in the snow and at times under the bright sun,<br />
That still stays dear to my heart.<br />
<br />
The memories will never fade away,<br />
This soul will always wish to go back to that place,<br />
Where it once find peace and comfort,<br />
Where I feel free and happy,<br />
But in knowing what you have lost,<br />
Will you then treasure what you have,<br />
And this means coming back and forth between this trouble hearts.<br />
<br />
I will go with what HE has decide for me,<br />
As never in my heart I have doubt over HIS decision,<br />
So I will stood my ground,<br />
To make each second meaningful,<br />
To make sure each step I make,<br />
Will make me a better me!<br />
Although I know it would not be perfect,<br />
I would still climb this mountain because I knew,<br />
I am certain,<br />
HE will wait for me at the end of this road,<br />
Just as long as I am with HIM.<br />
<br />
I compare my life now, with others who are more successful, who appears more happy at what they are doing;<br />
I compare my life to my life before this;<br />
I concluded I have grown so much and there is nothing that I do not have;<br />
My life is as perfect as it should be,<br />
Nonetheless it all depend on me!<br />
To be thankful or to be an ungrateful servant,<br />
To be happy or disheartened.<br />
<br />
Age, maturity, faith and dreams,<br />
All intertwine into what we called life,<br />
May I RIP feeling I have mature by understanding the meaning of life; keeping my faith dan still able to reach all my dreams.<br />
Ameen.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-16300037083793313782012-04-30T22:08:00.001-07:002012-04-30T22:08:48.027-07:00Bersih 3.0Alhamdulillah,alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah kerana aku masih bernafas menghirup kesegaran nikmat udara yang tidak ternilai.<br />
<br />
Alhamdulillah juga kerana aku selamat kembali dari jihad kecil ku pada 28.4.2012.<br />
Satu pengalaman yang membangkitkan semangat dan mengingatkan aku kepada erti kehidupan,hakikat kehambaan. Dan memberikan aku sisi pandangan yang baru untuk kerjaya ku sendiri.Alhamdulillah.<br />
<br />
Tiada gambar yang akan aku paparkan kerana aku sukar bercerita melalui gambar yang telah banyak tidak menimbulkan pelbagai kontroversi dan bahan fitnah oleh semua pihak. Cerita aku penulisan tulus dari hati anak muda yang hanya inginkan keadilan dan kebenaran jika bukan untuk diriku untuk generasi hadapan yang bakal berdepan cabaran berkali ganda hebat dariku.<br />
<br />
<b>Posisi</b><br />
<br />
Kali ini aku pergi sebagai seorang yang berkecuali menjadi sebahagian daripada 'medic team' yang ditugaskan untuk menjadi 'non-participant' dan membantu semua yang memerlukan berbanding tahun lepas di mana aku menjadi sebahagian dari peserta bersih. Perasaan yang dialami sungguh berlainan, aku mungkin tidak segentar dan sebimbang sewaktu tahun lepas, matlamatku jelas untuk merawat sesiapa jua yang memerlukan dan aku fikir pastinya gol.FRU itu akan memberikan kerjasama.<br />
<br />
Terbayang perasaan takut yang aku rasakan ketika berada bersama-sama dengan unit amal mengatur langkah bergerak ke arah FRU,mendengar bunyi siren dan amaran dari mereka untuk bersurai jika tidak pasti akan dileraikan dengan cara paksaan. Allah sahaja yang tahu godaan syaitan ketika itu untuk menyuruh aku berpaling dan melarikan diri. Dan ketika itu juga aku diingatkan oleh ayat-ayatNya:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;">'Bahawasanya orang-orang yang telah berpaling (melarikan diri) di antara kamu pada hari bertemu dua angkatan tentera (Islam dan kafir dalam perang Uhud) itu, sesungguhnya mereka telah digelincirkan oleh Syaitan dengan sebab sebahagian dari perbuatan-perbuatan (yang salah) yang mereka telah lakukan (pada masa yang lalu); dan demi sesungguhnya Allah telah memaafkan mereka, kerana sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Penyabar.' (Al-Imran:155)</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;">"Jauhilah tujuh perkara yang merosakkan! Para sahabat bertanya, 'Apa itu, wahai Rasulullah? Rasulullah menjawab, 'Syirik pada Allah, sihir, membunuh jiwa yang diharamkan oleh Allah kecuali kerana alasan yang dibenarkan, memekan riba, memakan harta anak yatim, meninggalkan medan perang dan menuduh wanita Mukminah yang baik-baik telah berzina," [HR Imam Bukhari dan Muslim]</span></i></div>
<br />
Dan aku bangga dengan semua yang hadir ke Bersih tanpa berpaling dari medan perjuangan mereka! Keberanian dan kentalnya semangat mereka, yang muda apatah lagi yang tua, yang Islam dan bukan Islam, Cina,Melayu, Sikh,India, omputih, orang asli! dll :) semua dari peserta Bersih aku titipkan doa moga ruh kebenaran sentiasa hidup dalam jiwamu. Moga dengan ruh itu jua jiwa-jiwa mereka Allah berikan hidayah untuk kembali dalam kebenaran di penghujung nyawa mereka. ameen ya Rabb.<br />
<br />
Dan aku juga 'kagum' dengan Sang polis dan FRU yang begitu tekad dengan tugasan mereka sehingga sanggup berkelakuan melampau ganas tanpa perasaan belas kasihan.... moga Allah berikan hidayah kepada mereka untuk mereka salurkan kepada jalan kebenaran sepertimana keberanian Saidina Umar semakin terselah setelah menerima cahaya keimanan. ameen. Hanya Allah yang tahu niat dan apa di dalam hatimu, dan aku tidak berhak menilai tanggungjawab yang terpikul di bahumu. Jauhkan aku dari buruk sangka kepada mereka.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #38761d;"><i>'Mereka (seolah-olah orang yang) pekak, bisu dan buta; dengan keadaan itu mereka tidak dapat kembali (kepada kebenaran).' (Al-Baqarah:18)</i></span></div>
<br />
Ramai juga yang memerlukan bantuan medik kebanyakannya kerana jatuh dan kesesakan nafas akibat gas pemedih mata. Dan aku sesalkan kerana aku meninggalkan 2 orang pesakit, seorang tua yang cedera mataya dan seorang pemuda Cina yang luka di kakinya, apalah nasib mereka, maafkan kelemahan diri ini, aku berlari menyelamatkan diri dari kepedihan gas pemedih mata yang menyerang semua tanpa mengenal siapa dan apa tujuan mereka di situ. InsyaAllah tahun hadapan jika ada Bersih 4.0 akan aku usahakan membeli gas mask supaya aku tetap di posisi ku.<br />
<br />
<b>2K: Kebenaran & keadilan</b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;">If you shut up the truth and bury it under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way.-EMILE ZOLA </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;">Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains taken to bring it to light.-GEORGE WASHINGTON
</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #38761d;">' Dalam hati mereka (golongan yang munafik itu) terdapat penyakit (syak dan hasad dengki), maka Allah tambahkan lagi penyakit itu kepada mereka; dan mereka pula akan beroleh azab seksa yang tidak terperi sakitnya, dengan sebab mereka berdusta (dan mendustakan kebenaran).' (Al-Baqarah:10)</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Aku telah penat berhujah dan menjelaskan mengenai perjuangan ini. Memang aku bukan manusia hebat seperti para ulama' dan pimpinan yang tidak pernah lelah memberikan penjelasan dan berterusan memberikan kefahaman mengenai prinsip perjuangan. (how i appreciated their on going effort without fail unlike me :( )<br />
<br />
aku juga bukan ingin mendustakan mana-mana pihak yang menyokong atau menentang Bersih dan perjuangannya, masing-masing ada hujah tersendiri namun ingatlah jangan terlalu bertegang lidah hingga berlagak seperti sang munafik, itulah apa yang diinginkan oleh sang munafik yang pastinya ramai di kalangan kita (moga dijauhkan dari nya.ameen).<br />
<br />
Ingin aku usahakan untuk menggunakan logik akal 'common sense' namun aku tahu common sense setiap dari kita juga berbeza maka gunakanlah semua pancaindera, hati dan akal dalam menilai dan yang paling utama kembalilah kepada sunnah dan Al-Quran. Jika ilmu belum cukup untuk membicarakan dan berhujjah, carilah dahulu dari orang yang lebih alim bukannya menggunakan emosi dan kedengkelan akalmu yang mudah diperdaya oleh syaitan. Dan bila mana engkau berhujah atas nama Islam pastikan ianya tidak membawamu kedalam kancah azab TuhanMu!<br />
<br />
Aku benci mereka yang berhujah dengan nama agamaNya namun akhlaq dan dalil yang digunakan sungguh mengecewakan. Jangan engkau cemari agama ini atas ketaksuban mu terhadap cinta mu kepada dunia dan isinya.<br />
*Buat yang terasa,alhamdulillah, berterusanlah engkau dalam hujahmu tetapi jangan engkau cemarkan Islam yang indah ini.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #38761d;"><i> 'Aku akan memalingkan (hati) orang-orang yang sombong takbur di muka bumi dengan tiada alasan yang benar dari (memahami) ayat-ayatKu (yang menunjukkan kekuasaanKu); dan mereka (yang bersifat demikian) jika mereka melihat sebarang keterangan (bukti), mereka tidak beriman kepadanya, dan jika mereka melihat jalan yang (membawa kepada) hidayah petunjuk, mereka tidak mengambilnya sebagai jalan yang dilalui. Dan sebaliknya jika mereka melihat jalan kesesatan, mereka terus mengambilnya sebagai jalan yang dilalui. Yang demikian itu, kerana mereka mendustakan ayat-ayat Kami dan mereka sentiasa lalai daripadanya.' (Al-Aa'raf:146)</i></span></div>
<br />
<b>Berlapang dada dalam perbezaan dan bersatu dalam persamaan, sinergi!</b><br />
<br />
Kali ini kita bukan berada di zaman pra-merdeka, kita bukan menentang penjajah British di depan mata.<br />
<br />
Kita juga kita bukan berada di zaman rakyat Malaysia dalam kebodohan, ini zaman globalisasi di mana maklumat berada di hujung jari menanti untuk dihadam mereka yang bersifat terbuka.<br />
<br />
Masa ini rakyat dunia sibuk memperjuangkan kebebasan mereka kerana hijab kejahilan semakin terangkat dari hati setiap manusia seperti perancanganNya,<br />
<br />
Dan ini adalah detik bila kebenaran dan keadilan menjadi tujuan kehidupan,<br />
<br />
Ya, kita ini masyarakat pelbagai bangsa dan warna, mempunyai latarbelakang berbeza yang memungkinkan kita untuk sukar bersama,<br />
<br />
Tetapi itu bukan persoalannya kerana kita bersatu bukan atas dasar agama atau bangsa,<br />
<br />
Kita bersatu dalam persamaan dan berlapang dalam perbezaan untuk melahirkan sinergi membawa gelombang perubahan dalam menegakkan keadilan dan kebenaran!<br />
<br />
To my dear comrades, Yes I am a Muslim and a Malay, I fought this battle because of my religion but for my religion that stood by the principe of truth and justice. I hope the same goes for you and together WE can fight and win this battle, may this sour 'defeat' brings us sweet victories someday if not today!<br />
<br />
The butterfly effect in our everyday life made us human being by giving meaning to our life.<br />
So tell me, what is the meaning of your life? I have found mine,insyaAllah.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-51690271348309960582012-04-27T08:44:00.001-07:002012-04-27T08:44:04.570-07:0028.2.2012 Gelombang perubahan 3.0Langkah ku ayun,<br />
Bekalan telahku sediakan,<br />
Bukan untuk diriku,<br />
Tetapi untuk agama dan bangsaku,<br />
Mereka mungkin dalam lena yang panjang,<br />
Namun aku telah bangun,<br />
Maka aku perlu memacu arus perubahan ini.<br />
<br />
Walau aku tahu ia penuh ranjau dan duri,<br />
Namun usaha murni membersihkan jalan perjuangan perlu dipertahankan,<br />
Walau nyawa menjadi pertaruhan.<br />
<br />
Maka diri,<br />
ayunlah kakimu,<br />
Selaju Asma' ketika membantu kekasihNya,<br />
Sekental Khaulah Al-Azwar di medan jihad,<br />
Segagah Nusaybah di Medan Uhud,<br />
Walau apa pun jua pengakhirannya,<br />
moga ia bisa menjadi hujjah diri kelak bila bertemu Tuhan.<br />
<br />
o Allah, purify my intention and protect us til the day of Judgement. ameen.<br />
bismillah....Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-80992251194662506092012-04-03T22:52:00.000-07:002012-04-03T22:53:37.864-07:00Amazed by HIMAlhamdulillah,alhamdulillah,alhamdulillah.<br />
<br />
I finally have the answers...<br />
<br />
Never in my life when I looked back HE decided something bad for me<br />
<br />
I am a dreamer, but i never thought that my dreams will be coming true.<br />
Alhamdulillah, SubahnaAllah, Allahu Akbar,<br />
at the end it all did.<br />
<br />
I dreamt of studying abroad,<br />
not that I managed to get that but I also get the greatest gift a servant could have ask for,<br />
the gift of Hidayah,<br />
Allahu Allah,<br />
Never You failed to shower Your love to me.<br />
<br />
Being in the UK while trying my best to be His good servant is not an easy task,<br />
Alone,<br />
Confused at times,<br />
Cold (literally too!)<br />
and with the rest of mixed feelings it carried,<br />
made me more closer to Him,<br />
made me realized that He is always there and with Him only can you survive.<br />
<br />
I have travelled to many places (although still wishing to travel more)<br />
Experienced things that you could only dream of,<br />
and the 'jaulah' I've taken made me more humble at how small and powerless I am as His creature,<br />
Made me more confident that nothing that He has planned is a waste,<br />
Everything happens for a reason,<br />
Nothing He created can't draw us closer to Him,<br />
If only you open your heart, eyes, mind and listen close to the message He sent.<br />
<br />
And now that I am back here,<br />
Being able to strive in this cold and mean HO world,<br />
I can only be certain that it is only due to HIM that this strength and will can still pull through.<br />
<br />
And please remind me for all the right reasons I made to come home,<br />
in the land of hardship and filled with tears,<br />
in order for your mardothillah,<br />
To strive in Your path,<br />
Not just for me but for my parents and brothers and sisters in Islam.<br />
<br />
And so Lailatulema Abbas,<br />
with all that He has laid for you,<br />
the things that He has given to you,<br />
all the hardship that you have faces and still manage to pull through,<br />
only because He was and will be with you,<br />
would you still want to doubt your future?<br />
the faith that he has written down for you?<br />
<br />
:) no, and so O Allah,<br />
<br />
Do guide me,<br />
In every step of the way,<br />
May all the sadness and false hope be washed away with Your love and the very dear need to see You,<br />
For all this worldly things are nothing but an illusion,<br />
A test for each heart until death do us part....<br />
<br />
whatever will be, will be<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TCaGmHE_NtE" width="420"></iframe>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-2945227939185800112012-03-31T07:51:00.000-07:002012-03-31T07:51:08.381-07:00AIDS and its blessings?<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/T2iHPCUjprs" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Alhamdulillah,alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah for each breath and strength to still face all the challenges that has come my way.<br />
<br />
Scene: at the 'chronic cubicle'- what I called it at least- one of the patient playing oldies Malay song while I was doing my discharge summary. I smile and looked at those beautiful faces ....<br />
<br />
I still remembered how each of them came in very ill and it even cross my mind that they might not survive but masyaAllah, they survived! all the way through, each time that their body failed them but not their will to live and with His blessings there are still breathing.<br />
<br />
<i><b>And through their eyes I see and I believe</b></i><br />
<br />
<u>1. Push aside the stigmata about AIDS, let us together build our life for the better</u><br />
<br />
Yes, even for me a health care worker, I am scared, each time I need to take those bloods or to touch any patient with AIDS although I have the knowledge --> <i><span style="color: #38761d;">The prophet said ' when Allah wishes good for someone, He bestows upon him the understanding of deen.' -Al-Bukhari & Muslim</span></i>, true enough knowing is not enough without hidayah from Him, how many Muslims went astray from Islam although they have the knowledge?<br />
<br />
coming back to my main point, I also remembered what yana said about how we are too busy finding the reason how they get the infection and not on how we could manage and improve the prognosis. That is how life is, you get too caught up with the problems that you have and stop thinking about the solution (dina would be the best person for you to meet regarding this matter,hehe, miss u dear!)<br />
<br />
SO the take away message is as an outsider and trying to put myself in their shoes,<br />
<br />
- Trust HIM! He has promise to us that every thing that happens has its 'hikmah' no matter how dark the clouds may seem but you have to think and evaluate-'muhasabah' your life, not just the mind, it is a reminder to our hearts especially, to come back to His path. Allahu Hafiz, His love is just to great for us and never for once would He want to hurt His slave but it is us who always do the injustice to ourself.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #38761d;">'(It will be said): 'This is because of the deeds which thy hands sent forth, for verily Allah is not unjust to His servants.'- Al-Hajj:10</span></i><br />
<br />
<u>2. You are never alone</u><br />
<br />
Definitely He is always near but there is a clear fact that I have learnt from them, that continuous support and love from the family members are vital. I honestly think if they did not get the support they have gotten they will not be at their best condition now. SubhanaAllah. How lucky are they, His Mercy towards them is shone through, through their love one.<br />
<br />
Allah created Adam and Hawa ie all things come in pairs which show that in life you have to have a good circle of influence and concern, as it will have an impact in you- including in shaping your character and perception towards life. And the most luckiest is those who each time you look at and be around with will remind you of Him.<br />
<br />
SO find a good bi'ah and appreciate it, be thankful for it. And for my sahabiah out there, be meticulous in finding your husband as he will be your imam and guide you not just here but for the here after as well, so be wise :)<br />
<br />
<u>3. Life is a gift</u><br />
<br />
what can i say about this? it is a gift my dear brothers and sisters, a special gift from HIM. I saw a young patient die in a seconds, an old lady who still survive multiple cardiac arrest and a child who soon will die due to his cancer.<br />
<br />
It may appears like a joke but it is not. He has chosen you and I for a reason, so fulfill your duty as His servant, treasure this gift ...<br />
<br />
SO when you return to Him, you will be able to smile and be greeted with His salam, with no regrets ... insyaAllah<br />
<br />
I'm sure many other things ran through my mind at that time unfortunately I only noted this few things. I hope it is beneficial. Allahu Allah, how lucky am I being able to see through their eyes, which should made me a more humble servant of His and be more thankful. insyaAllah.<br />
<br />
Wallahu'alam.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><i>Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah(sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, "He who does not acquire knowledge with the sole intention of seeking the Pleasure of Allah but for worldly gain, will not smell the fragrance of Jannah on the Day of Resurrection.''
[Abu Dawud].</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
dalam mencari erti kehambaan, hakikat kehidupan :)Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-16572482219176181412012-03-29T22:05:00.000-07:002012-03-29T22:06:33.095-07:00Muhasabah diri<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'Adakah patut kamu menyangka bahawa kamu akan masuk Syurga, padahal belum sampai kepada kamu (</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ujian</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> dan cubaan) seperti yang telah berlaku kepada orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada kamu? Mereka telah ditimpa kepapaan (kemusnahan hartabenda) dan serangan penyakit, serta digoncangkan (oleh ancaman bahaya musuh), sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman yang ada bersamanya: Bilakah (datangnya) pertolongan Allah? Ketahuilah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat (asalkan kamu bersabar dan berpegang teguh kepada agama Allah).' -Al-Baqarah:214</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Itu adalah suatu janji yang pasti akan terjadi kerana itu janji dariNya. Dalam setiap detik kehidupan Allah akan menguji kita, tika mana kita merasakan bahawa aku kini telah sampai ke penghujung jalannya, ia datang kembali menguji kita. Kerana janjinya benar dan pasti berlaku. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tiada guna hati mengeluh, tiada guna lidah berbicara menutur bisa dan putus asa kerana setiap yang terjadi adalah ketentuanNya dan pasti ada hikmahnya. Maka hati perlu membersihkan pancaindera yang lima dan minda untuk kembali mengerti hakikat dan tujuan kehidupan untuk membina kekuatan untuk terus melangkah walau pun payah. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Hanya kata yang mampu berbicara meluntur rasa</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sudah hampir 6 bulan aku bekerja dan hampir 10 bulan berada di Malaysia namun hati ini terasa seperti kosong dan jiwa meronta mencari ketenangan yang pernah aku ketemu suatu masa dulu. Banyak lompang yang aku kira menyumbang kepada permasalahan yang aku alami, persoalannya apakah jalan keluarnya? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Semuanya ada di dalam surat cintanya wahai diri, hanya perlu engkau selami dan amalkan.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Aku sangat sayangkan ibadat ku ini, bukan semua hamba-hambaNya berpeluang menabur budi di medan jihad ini seperti kata Prof.Muhaya ianya medan pahala yang luas. Namun mengapa dari sehari ke sehari semangat ku semakin luntur, hanya lelah dan keluhan yang sering aku rasa dan bukannya kegembiraan dan ketenangan yang aku impikan. Kadangkala aku bermimpi mungkinkah jika aku bersama saudara ku di Gaza aku akan lebih gembira? walau aku sedar aku tidak mungkin diulit mimpi indah di malam hari dan nyawaku setiap hari berada di hujung tanduk... Allahu Allah, mengapa hati ini tidak setenang dahulu? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'Sesiapa yang beramal soleh, dari lelaki atau perempuan, sedang dia beriman, maka sesungguhnya Kami akan menghidupkan dia dengan kehidupan yang </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">baik</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> dan sesungguhnya kami akan membalas mereka, dengan memberikan pahala yang lebih dari apa yang mereka telah kerjakan.' -An-Nahl:97</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">' </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Iaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">tenang</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> tenteram hati mereka dengan "zikrullah". Ketahuilah dengan "zikrullah" itu, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">tenang</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> tenteramlah hati manusia.'-Ar-Rad:28</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tidak ada kesusahan (atau bala bencana) yang menimpa (seseorang) melainkan dengan izin Allah dan sesiapa yang beriman kepada Allah, Allah akan memimpin hatinya (untuk menerima apa yang telah berlaku itu dengan </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">tenang</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> dan sabar) dan (ingatlah), Allah Maha Mengetahui akan tiap-tiap sesuatu.'-At-tghabun:11</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jawapannya jelas lagi nyata mungkin aku semakin jauh dariNya dek kesibukan dengan dunia, leka dengan kerja yang mungkin belum menjadi amalan ku untuk akhirat sana. Mungkin 'tanaman di ladangku' ini belum cukup baja dan siramannya untuk membuahkan hasil kepada penanamnya. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ya Allah,bantulah hambaMu ini, lorongkan aku kepada jalan-jalan kebaikanMu, ikhlaskan hati ku, bantulah aku meraih redhaMu.... moga ini jalanku menggapai syurgaMu untuk bertemuMu.ameen Ya Rabb. </span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/71SUxo2tRL4" width="420"></iframe>Lailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4249961135728002556.post-30486380709110137232012-03-11T07:32:00.002-07:002012-03-11T07:32:06.244-07:00mencari murabbi mukmin ‘abid, dai’e muharrik, mujahid mundhabit, mujammik, muassis dan muathirLailatulemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05639411696236228044noreply@blogger.com0