Erti kehambaan, hakikat kehidupan

 As it gets lonelier nowadays, more questions popped up on my mind  I started to understand things more now and questioning less  Staying true to curiosity kills the cat which I disagree so much before but now perhaps it is more relevant than ever  It is so tiring living in this world now I have given up on social media nowadays that everyone is trying to show all in the web as if anyone really cares  I just want to stay true to myself  After passing one of the hardest exam I have ever encounter I felt that one of the heaviest burden has been lifted however many things remained the same still  There will always be new challenges or things which you put on hold to be taken care of  There is no running away from responsibilities  As life is not about sleeping, eating and repeating itself over and over again It is when it has meaning that it is called LIFE where you could LIVE in  Chasing over your dream no matter how ridiculous it could be  Trying again and again despite failing many tim

Mother to daughter, Yang Hee Eun & Kim Chang Ki   I thought I had just closed my eyes for a brief second But I've already become old I thought you would always be a little child But you're already grown I still don't know life very well So I don't have much to say to you But with this heart wishing you more happiness I search inside my chest for words to tell you "Go study" no, that's too mundane "Always be kind" no, even I couldn't do that "Love no, that's a hard thing to do Find your own way in life I thought I had lived life long enough But I'm only 15 years old I wanted to always be that lovely daughter of yours But I'm already so unlovable I still don't know life very well So I have a lot of things I want to learn But when you just keep repeating the same words to me I shut the door to my heart more tightly "Go study" I know how important that is too "Always be kind" can't you see I'm

 Tomorrow will mark 1 year that mak has left us, it might be like any other day for others but to me it will be the saddest day of my life.  Every now and then, I will miss her phone call that I used to lament about. 'Ema balik makan?' Every now and then, I will wonder how much tissue she would have used if she is here.  Sometimes, I recalled the time we spent stuck together at the hospital and going back and forth from IJN to home, listening to Happy by Pharrell and how she said she liked that song. How she always fall asleep in front of the television and I would always tell her to go in and go to sleep.  Everyday, as I looked back I know all her life she live for others, for me, my sister and my dad.  I hope now she is resting in a better place.  And now, every now and then, I silently pray for her happiness and still hope she will always be looking and praying for me like how she always do. This little hope thou I know those who left has no more attachment towards this worl

 I was looking forward for this trip as it would supposed to be a family trip with our dad  So little that we know He has better plans for us and He took him away from us unexpectedly just how Mom left us on 13th October 2021, 12.30am. No words could described how much pain to lost 2 person whom you loved dearly within the span of 9 months but still only to Him I pray for the strength to continue on knowing this is not the end, perhaps a new beginning  Each time I think of them both, the things that come to my mind is I hope I have made them happy, maybe not everyday but I hope I made some happy memories for them just as how they have made mine. Each steps that I have made, on the person I have become I owed it all to them. And nothing I would do to changed any of them and nothing I could do to thank them enough.  I guess part of grieving is to feel remorse , for what have been done or said and what had not been done... As time goes by, we as human will tend to forget and perhaps our c

 I try to hush away all the memories knowing I would break down with regrets  I am not looking forward for this Ramadhan... I know I am at lost  and so Allah I seek strength from You Give me the passion to do my best this Ramadhan thou it is hard to bear not having her with me  I did not spent much time last year Ramadhan as it was Covid time hence I was away most of the time at my rented house  That hurts ....  She never ask for anything Now I will give everything if only she could come back  The only thing she would keep requesting or perhaps sharing her intention is to go Makkah to perform hajj/umrah And I was praying for it to come true I was planning to push her all around His holy home with a wheelchair, I would carry her on my back if I have to  We would wake up so early just to get as close as we can to His Kaabah  But He has better plan for us both And I am still trying to accept His plans It will be ok  Someday  Sooner than later  Til then dear Lailatulema  Please do good  Pl

 I don't even know where to begin ... It has been awhile since I write on this blog, it has been too long ...  But I feel that I should write many things for her because there were too many things I didn't get the chance to tell her and so I should at least jot it down  for people to know how an amazing person she is, not perfect but just perfect for me and so others might benefit and learn to love their dearest mother more and feel less regrets. And because all memories tend to fade and I am scared so will mine hence I want to capture her while everything is still fresh and beautiful in my memories no matter how hard this is  My mom's name is Jumaah binti Othman, she was born on 5th May 1950 in Hospital Kuala Lumpur her father was a health inspector whom she adored and respect dearly, I remember the story where she told me that during each raya her father will bring her to the salon and get her hair perm along with the other kids, her father will bring her go around his ca