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HOLO = 홀로

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This shall be my tribute to my beloved parents, Mak and E, thou with heavy hearts and teary eyes I am typing this, I feel that I owed them, to tell the world how an amazing parents they have been who have made me who I am today....  It has been almost 4 years (next year) since I lost them. It is a roller coaster ride managing the emotions  guilt and hope love and regrets perhaps utmost emotion that is hard to dealt with was the emptiness of knowing some one who is always there is no longer with you...  Have you ever wrote a long love letter to your parents? Posting it across the continent from Newcastle to Malaysia, making the font as big as I could so both of them could read it. I did....   And I still regret it, I wish I would have written more letters and said more I love you and I am sorry I wish I would taken more pictures with them (as I hate taking pictures)  ...perhaps when I got to be the best student in Convent, you only took picture of me without...
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Being alone

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 As it gets lonelier nowadays, more questions popped up on my mind  I started to understand things more now and questioning less  Staying true to curiosity kills the cat which I disagree so much before but now perhaps it is more relevant than ever  It is so tiring living in this world now I have given up on social media nowadays that everyone is trying to show all in the web as if anyone really cares  I just want to stay true to myself  After passing one of the hardest exam I have ever encounter I felt that one of the heaviest burden has been lifted however many things remained the same still  There will always be new challenges or things which you put on hold to be taken care of  There is no running away from responsibilities  As life is not about sleeping, eating and repeating itself over and over again It is when it has meaning that it is called LIFE where you could LIVE in  Chasing over your dream no matter how ridiculous it could be...
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19/01/22

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 Tomorrow will mark 1 year that mak has left us, it might be like any other day for others but to me it will be the saddest day of my life.  Every now and then, I will miss her phone call that I used to lament about. 'Ema balik makan?' Every now and then, I will wonder how much tissue she would have used if she is here.  Sometimes, I recalled the time we spent stuck together at the hospital and going back and forth from IJN to home, listening to Happy by Pharrell and how she said she liked that song. How she always fall asleep in front of the television and I would always tell her to go in and go to sleep.  Everyday, as I looked back I know all her life she live for others, for me, my sister and my dad.  I hope now she is resting in a better place.  And now, every now and then, I silently pray for her happiness and still hope she will always be looking and praying for me like how she always do. This little hope thou I know those who left has no more attachm...
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