Monday, 14 December 2009


Alhamdulillah segala puji-pujian bagi Allah swt yang memilik hati-hati hambaNya.

Alhamdulillah,hari ni selesai satu paper,EMI. Aku serahkan segalaNya kepadaMu. Moga diberi yang terbaik.

Dalam masa sebulan lalu, sungguh banyak yang ingin Allah perlihatkan kepadaku. Hanya Allah tahu the ups and downs. I couldn't imagined how I get through it all definitely semuanya hasil kekuatan kurniaanNya.

Banyak yang ingin digarapkan,insyaAllah akan dikongsikan kemudian. Esok merupakan paper terakhir untuk kos ku ini, ie written exam, doakan moga Allah permudahkan urusan kami di sini. Sungguh tiada kekuatan tanpaNya, if dah baca semua pun tapi lupa apa guna kan?haha,this morning the last question I do not remember much although I have read them. Alhamdulillah :) am happy that Allah is teaching me the meaning of 'lahawlawala quwwata illah billah'.

Just taking few minutes break from this confusing leukemia conditions to share about get back on your feet when you fall!!! Never lose hope on HIM, never! No matter how hard it seems, how impossible is this life to get by, always have faith in HIM.

Never let a day pass without you trying your very best to make it better than yesterday, may not be the best 'est day of your life but at least better than the day before. You never stands alone, HE will guide you! always.

Ya Allah,do guide us, I have so many things to demand in life but none that matter if it is not with your blessings, give me what I need and guide me through. Ameen

Kembali kepada fitrah

Mengapa mesti meraih nikmat baru merasa disayangi? Sedangkan ujian itu rahmat tersembunyi untuk menggapai kebahagiaan hakiki. Dan tiada jalan lain melainkan hati menjiwai hakikat diri yakni hakikat kehambaan. Hamba yang hanya menerima,bekerja dan hina di sisiNya. Bekerja untuk bertemu denganNya.

Ar-Rahman-Read in the Name of Allah

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Penat tapi perlu teruskan

I am tired,
I couldn't be bothered,
I just want to walk away,
I know I can't,
I have to stay,
And keep my head right,
In this heart breaking fight.

I am lost as I have never been,
Don't let me go,
Never let me give up,
I do believe in faith and miracles ,
And I shall hold on to it no matter what happens.

-otak yg dah penat berfikir , what if ....

Friday, 11 December 2009

I am a women so I am emotional

My blog has turned out to be an expressive tools for me, I do apologize but hey I am a women hence I am emotional and that is why I can't rule the world, I do admit.

My dad,my E has always been a protective father, there were so many rules that I disagree with before but I am thankful for it now. I do still remember,it feels like yesterday...

I was on the primary school, standard 4(ke?ain,help me out i xremumber). We had a school trip to Melaka (hehe,my favorite place in this whole wide world,rinduuuu) and my father did allowed me to go (to my surprise) but... I will be seating in the car with him, while my friends will be in the bus. Can you believe that he did that? Why you must ask,that is because he didnt trust the bus driver, he never did even now.

I remember I cried the whole journey, my friends was laughing at me. I gave my mother and my sister a hard time although it has never been their fault.

:) Now looking back, I have a great father, who always love and care for me more than anything in this world. Who would every day drop me off me to school so early in the morning and pick me back to home while having to wait for me for hours sometime.

And I am missing him

so badly

I hope we can still be together, happy forever

Please don't change

I am being hurt terribly

-from someone who has her heart broken for the 1st time by a man

O Allah,I am not asking for anything more than for YOU to bring him back to YOU.ameen

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Being sick, stressful and thankful at the same time

Assalamualaikum wbt

All praises be to Allah swt that I have lived my 23 years of life to the fullest, in my opinion that is. I have tried the bad, the good and some bitterness I shall say. Alhamdulillah, on my 23th birthday I spent it with my close friends here in Newcastle as I assumed it would be my last one here before everyone that is close to me return home :( (and I will leave for Middlesbrough next year for my finals,insyaAllah)

MasyaAllah, so many things has happened through out this 23 years of my life... no words shall be able to describe it, no picture can be drawn to reflect the feelings and how each and every single thing that happened has shape me to be who I am now, and for that, I made a resolution this year, to be a good servant of HIM by showing my gratitude all the time.ameen. Being more thankful that I have all ready been,as it is impossible to be thankful enough, for the air that I breath, that I have been breathing!!! For this eyes which I always take for granted, every time seeing the beautiful sun set/rise, who am I to deny HIS existence! For this two legs that able me to reach this side of the world, to walk to the centre of the earth, to feel the freedom!

Astaghfirullah, no matter how long I have turned by back on HIM,never once he ever let me go. HE keep on giving, showing HIS mercy, knocking on my door every single seconds... just for me to see the real meaning of life!

And alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.... four years ago, I was given the strength to understand the real meaning of this life.

Giving meaning to this life

I always think, or keep praying that my life would get easy as I grow. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a women just because it seems easy for them, I can go out on my own, drive my own car,have my own money. Now, that I am a 'women' (hopefully) I want to be a little girl because it seems so easy back then. I do not have to think for others, I can get away with almost every thing :)

Before, I never think about sins or deeds and now that is what I am constantly doing.Now with an addition of other people actions,would it lead them to sins? I should be stopping them then!

All of these, simply showing CARE and LOVE toward others is what HE is teaching us. And with RESPONSIBILITY you show your LOVE. This is true, as when we were kids, we do love our parents but due to lack of responsibility (as we were still growing and learning, getting all the knowledge we should have) we tend to do all the wrong things that we could possibly think of. I used to demand everything that I want and I will get it or else... my mother did suffered :( huhu,i am very sorry mak!!! But as we gets older, we learn bout responsibility and it teaches us to CARE for the person that we LOVE with our ACTIONS not just feelings. An action speaks louder than words.

And as I know about HIM more, I know every single thing that HE has decides is for our own good. Think about it my dear friend, can you find even one loop holes? If you do, do let me know. It just need some patience for us to see it.

In conclusion, I know and I believe now more than ever, that life will never gets easier, it will get much harder as HE wants you to learn about RESPONSIBILITY and allowing you to LOVE and CARE with the right ATTITUDE ie ACTIONS. Have patience, trust in HIM, learn to give more than to receive and always be thankful! and that will give meaning in your life.

-because if you don't you can never move forward, you will end up going in a circle!!! And life is not a circle it is a road with and end.

Being thankful

And, Allah, I do thank you for sending me such good friends since forever! Thank you my dear housemate, adik2 kakak yg mmg dah anggap macam adik sendiri, nazue,hazirah,sheeda, 81 brighton grove -majdina,my dear ukhti,who I adores and respect,never could thank you enough, adik ber3 who I am proud of, amelina,dayana,amni, you girls really made my day everyday! to ye xian,trinh and doreen, who is a great friend and am happy to be with,hope this will lasts forever! zahara dan rid!!! sahabat stockton ku, we have been through a lot together and I can never forget all the moments we had together! aina, I am not going to forget you this time around,hehe, do you know I always misses you the most! although I rarely see you, I think you are very pleasant to be with :) and my 3 new sisters! erna,ainun dan shafini! love you to bits, walau baru ketemu namun hati ini telah bersatu,hehe, and finally

k.madihah! I never have a real sister before and I am happy to tell you that I do consider you as my sister,my kakak!!!and am glad it is you! So much I have learn from you, for the time that I steal from you, I am sorry, for the tears that I cried with you, I am ashamed but none I that I have regrets! Never stop being my sister, help me to be a better person and HIS servant. Love you lotsssss.

And, to end this thanks giving session,hehe, I would like to express my special gratitude to my mak and E. Not even once you let me down, I used to be very un thankful to you, the part of growing up people say, but I disagree, that is just me being bad. I am sorry. I am very thankful to have you both, Jumaah binti Othman and Abbas bin Sulbi as my parent, and I am only praying for your happiness here and especially in the here after. Ameen.

To my sister, you know how much I love you, but I shall tell you over and over again until you get bored of it. Nothing I wish more for you than what I wish for myself, Lailatulain Abbas, if I die tomorrow, I hope I have helped you more or less to be a better servant of HIM.Ameen.

To every one who made their wishes and prays, thank you!!! And also to those who didn't but has been part of my life,directly or indirectly,thank you!! nad, you have never forget bout my bday!Love you! Although we are far, our prays will keep us together, nad gambate ne! My dear ikhwah, may Allah bless you in every steps and breath that you take.Ameen.

O Allah, thank you for letting all of these people to touch me, especially my heart, as through them I should see YOU. Never, never I want to look back upon that black road, I shall look at the road where I am now! Shaping it to how YOU want it to be,although it might not be perfect, at least if death come to me tomorrow, I have at least TRY-an effort of the smallest effort will be counted as YOU are the Most Merciful and Fairest.

Death is near and no one can decide the day, but every one can always prepare. So when it come knocking on your door regrets shall not fills your heart and may this soul be able to see the creator who made this life worth living.

Know what is important in this life,
Know that NOW is what matters,
And TOMORROW is only a dream away.

DO pray for us, exam is near, 14 and 15dec :) tapi feels like writing so I decided I need to write, been unwell for about a week, on and off,alhamdulillah-syukur sentiasa that's my motto!