HOLO = 홀로
This shall be my tribute to my beloved parents, Mak and E, thou with heavy hearts and teary eyes I am typing this, I feel that I owed them, to tell the world how an amazing parents they have been who have made me who I am today....
It has been almost 4 years (next year) since I lost them. It is a roller coaster ride managing the emotions
guilt and hope
love and regrets
perhaps utmost emotion that is hard to dealt with was the emptiness of knowing some one who is always there is no longer with you...
Have you ever wrote a long love letter to your parents? Posting it across the continent from Newcastle to Malaysia, making the font as big as I could so both of them could read it. I did....
And I still regret it, I wish I would have written more letters and said more I love you and I am sorry
I wish I would taken more pictures with them (as I hate taking pictures)
...perhaps when I got to be the best student in Convent, you only took picture of me without both of you together in the pic because that was just you, not needing to be recognized but always there
I wish I would take them to mamak more often and work less crazy like I did before
Those were my regrets and there were more in this baggage
.......................................
24/11/24 marked the day of my convocation day
Never have I felt at the brink of literally dying, putting all my sweat and tears, even bloods and every inch of effort into my master programmed. And that was the time where He have to test me with the passing of mak... the night where I have to stay at my rented place instead of at home.
I also wish my dad could have seen me, but he followed mak not long after that the same year....
And on that day never have I felt more 홀로
I think part of being human include your love for recognition for your existence. i think that is the point of be it your birthday/ anniversary even death.... Including whatever achievement you have gotten, it made you feel good for people to say congratulations, good job to yourself right?
But it is more important, if the person who wishes you was some one you cared about
And some goes to the them, they must have felt 'I am part of this success' or perhaps even failure, but it is all right, we made it through together and I am proud of the journey, for all the sacrifices I am part of it ...
......................................
Mak and E never forces us to do anything, basically I am a spoilt brat who get to do whatever I wanted.
Mak iron and wash my school shoes until I finished school. (it is embarrassing to admit)
E sent me to school and hospital until I completed my housemen.
But don't get me wrong, they still guide me to be a human being
because they are too opposite I tend to be in the middle. But nothing in their teaching was wrong.
Be kind and always be forgiving, be generous and thankful
Talk less and never to judge others
If all fails, HE is there
mak will always said, I will always pray for you no matter what you do and so she did, without fails....and probably that brought me to where I am now and things I miss the most..... her prayer and faith in me
And how I wish both of you were here to see me,
I did it because you were part of it, praying and pushing me since I was small
and this is all yours
not only mine
......................................................
And so my beloved mak and E,
I pray that you both is in a better resting place,
May He forgiven all of your sins and til we meet again in the hereafter where no sorrow or
홀로 will be long forgotten,
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