Erti kehambaan, hakikat kehidupan

 I was looking forward for this trip as it would supposed to be a family trip with our dad  So little that we know He has better plans for us and He took him away from us unexpectedly just how Mom left us on 13th October 2021, 12.30am. No words could described how much pain to lost 2 person whom you loved dearly within the span of 9 months but still only to Him I pray for the strength to continue on knowing this is not the end, perhaps a new beginning  Each time I think of them both, the things that come to my mind is I hope I have made them happy, maybe not everyday but I hope I made some happy memories for them just as how they have made mine. Each steps that I have made, on the person I have become I owed it all to them. And nothing I would do to changed any of them and nothing I could do to thank them enough.  I guess part of grieving is to feel remorse , for what have been done or said and what had not been done... As time goes by, we as human will tend to forge...

 I try to hush away all the memories knowing I would break down with regrets  I am not looking forward for this Ramadhan... I know I am at lost  and so Allah I seek strength from You Give me the passion to do my best this Ramadhan thou it is hard to bear not having her with me  I did not spent much time last year Ramadhan as it was Covid time hence I was away most of the time at my rented house  That hurts ....  She never ask for anything Now I will give everything if only she could come back  The only thing she would keep requesting or perhaps sharing her intention is to go Makkah to perform hajj/umrah And I was praying for it to come true I was planning to push her all around His holy home with a wheelchair, I would carry her on my back if I have to  We would wake up so early just to get as close as we can to His Kaabah  But He has better plan for us both And I am still trying to accept His plans It will be ok  Someday  Sooner tha...

 I don't even know where to begin ... It has been awhile since I write on this blog, it has been too long ...  But I feel that I should write many things for her because there were too many things I didn't get the chance to tell her and so I should at least jot it down  for people to know how an amazing person she is, not perfect but just perfect for me and so others might benefit and learn to love their dearest mother more and feel less regrets. And because all memories tend to fade and I am scared so will mine hence I want to capture her while everything is still fresh and beautiful in my memories no matter how hard this is  My mom's name is Jumaah binti Othman, she was born on 5th May 1950 in Hospital Kuala Lumpur her father was a health inspector whom she adored and respect dearly, I remember the story where she told me that during each raya her father will bring her to the salon and get her hair perm along with the other kids, her father will bring her go around...