A tribute to my mother

 I don't even know where to begin ...

It has been awhile since I write on this blog, it has been too long ... 

But I feel that I should write many things for her because there were too many things I didn't get the chance to tell her and so I should at least jot it down  for people to know how an amazing person she is, not perfect but just perfect for me and so others might benefit and learn to love their dearest mother more and feel less regrets. And because all memories tend to fade and I am scared so will mine hence I want to capture her while everything is still fresh and beautiful in my memories no matter how hard this is 

My mom's name is Jumaah binti Othman, she was born on 5th May 1950 in Hospital Kuala Lumpur

her father was a health inspector whom she adored and respect dearly, I remember the story where she told me that during each raya her father will bring her to the salon and get her hair perm along with the other kids, her father will bring her go around his car just to make them happy ;mind me that time for a Malay to have such status is something to be proud of and I know she was happy. However such happiness only last for so long as atok passed away when my mom was 8 years old. 

She had to quit her school and do things that other people expected of a woman to do at that time. She told me she had a dream to become a teacher, an arabic teacher to be more specific and she wanted to go to Egypt to study but she has to leave all of that behind to care for the family. 

My mother , she doesn't talk much about her own dream, but that was the only dream she ever mentioned to me. She only talk about all the good things she wanted for us it is never about her. 

She then worked at a tobacco factory, i never actually talk to her much bout her work but she told me whatever issues I faced at work now, she had exactly the same, those lazy bunch , those hardworking but always been taken for granted or how she sometimes curi-curi tidur in between work. And we always just laugh at it. She would tell me, ' takpe ema sabar , buat kerja ema' and try to accomodate me no matter how hard. 

And then she married my dad at late 20s it was tragic story which I don't plan to share or want to remember this part. She told me her first love did not work out hehe. She has put it all behind, before she passed away, she told her daughter in law (step) that she has forgiven everything that has been done to her, I know she is at peace and I know she meant every word of it. and I hope they would forgive her as well for everything putting aside whose fault 

She would share her childhood days story where she initially stay at Jeram Kuala Selangor in a house with many household as atok like to adopt our relatives who are not well off and he would provide them with education and shelter. Nenek is someone i think resembles my mom very well, I think many would agree; such soft spoken and kind hearted but most importantly someone who is really clean!!! This is the most important thing as my mother is so organize and make sure the house is tip top squeaky clean when she was healthy, her euphoria was seeing the house shiny and sparkling clean. Even when she had glaucoma and her right eye was blind, she still want to do as much as she can to keep the house clean. My mom would tell me that she would clean the 'longkang' around our house and by that I meant really clean it using brush until it is dirtless ( please take note this word does not exists haha) 

I meant who would do that? haha 

I am scared I would forget her small gestures, her bright smile

I am scared one day her voice does not resonate in my  ears like how it still does now 

ema bangun dah 6.30

ema hari ni balik,mak nak masak nasi

emak sentiasa doakan ema berjaya dunia akhirat, lulus exam , cepat jumpa jodoh yang baik , oncall boleh tido 

For only memories are all I have now , so please dear me, please remember, try hard to remember someone who you called a mother for 35 years of your life, the greatest moment where her smile counts more than her tears. her well wishes and motivation drives you to the end of the world without hesitation knowing she is there all the time. Never once she ever not scold me for the wrong things i did, kena cili sebab i did swore or behave badly, I can never not be thankful for that made me a person that I am today. someone I can say she could be proud of, i hope.... 

I hope I made her happy even for a seconds.

I hope He will keep her soul together with those who is pious and blessed by Him, 

I wish she is resting well and peacefully. 

Please make her resting place the happiest place for her to reside and I hope one day all of us could reunite in the best place one could ever asked for 

Hope and faith are the only thing that could give me comfort and face every other day of my life, insyaAllah He always tests His servant according to his capability. 

I love you mak, I shall try to be a good daughter for you so your soul will be flowed by good deeds and so you will always smile like you always do 

It struck me I didnt have any recent pictures with mak as I plan to put a beautiful one here .... and it hurt so bad, I wont pretend I am a good daughter .... I am sorry for all my wrong doings towards you mak. I wish when we meet again I would be your perfect daughter