My only love

 I was looking forward for this trip as it would supposed to be a family trip with our dad 

So little that we know He has better plans for us and He took him away from us unexpectedly just how Mom left us on 13th October 2021, 12.30am. No words could described how much pain to lost 2 person whom you loved dearly within the span of 9 months but still only to Him I pray for the strength to continue on knowing this is not the end, perhaps a new beginning 

Each time I think of them both, the things that come to my mind is I hope I have made them happy, maybe not everyday but I hope I made some happy memories for them just as how they have made mine. Each steps that I have made, on the person I have become I owed it all to them. And nothing I would do to changed any of them and nothing I could do to thank them enough. 

I guess part of grieving is to feel remorse , for what have been done or said and what had not been done... As time goes by, we as human will tend to forget and perhaps our compensating mechanism is to remember the happy memories and forget about all the pain. And so do I, being a Muslim also taught me to strive harder for them thou they are no longer with us which for me give me much comfort and peace of mind, knowing this is not the end. 

My Dear Loving Mother,

Puan Jumaah Othman

 my dearest bestfriend whom I cried, laugh and loved all my life,

you taught me great love about sacrificing and being patience, 

to put others before yourself,

to always smile and keep my head up no matter what challenges come my way, 

even at your final moments, never you cause me any troubled just as how you always wish on your prayer

I know you will always look upon us with loved 

and your kind words I shall not forget and I shall carry it with me everyday

though now at times I forget to remember you because of my worldly matters, 

please know that each morning I pray that all of this effort I hope that it will be as your deeds too, for whom who have shaped me to who I am today 

And for that, I pray that I will be a bit more kinder, softer yet stronger to face all of the difficulties come what may 

To my beloved E, Abbas bin Sulbi,

Now there is no more E in my life, 

Somehow I know we are so similar yet different, finding our common ground was always difficult but I think I did some what all right? 

Always a supporter thou you never really show me your worries, someone with less words but more actions 

From small you show me that caring does not need much, little but consistent, loving yet stern, and to always stand on guard to face all the challenges life may take you 

And definitely, to always think of the worst case scenario and to be prepared beforehand so you don't end up in trouble 

Your laughter is more precious than anything as we don't get that often 

and I know I shall miss that more than ever 

I still do remember my first biggest fight with my dad, it was at home, because I wanted to go to the UK to continue my study, and then for wearing my hijab. 

But I promised myself that day, that I want to be the reason and the one who hold their hands to heaven.... nothing more nothing less. And perhaps I have forgotten bout that dream of mine, and now it is time to remind myself to continue on striving for that, biiznillah

O Allah, I swear by Your name, them both have raised me well, and I hope that You would look upon them with love and with Your Grace to forgive all of their sins. Kindly shower Your rahmah and blessings upon them until the day I got to hold their hands and walk together in Jannah, insyaAllah 

I am not looking back, but looking forward 

I will strive and not be put down no matter how hard this will be 

I am not alone and never be alone because I know you both will always stay with me in my heartful memories 

I may cry and laugh, but I will always remember you both 

I love you Mak and E 

From your imperfect daughter who was always busy at work but never did you both laments 

Lailatulema Abbas 

Til we meet again....