Daughter to Mother

Mother to daughter, Yang Hee Eun & Kim Chang Ki

 I thought I had just closed my eyes for a brief second
But I've already become old

I thought you would always be a little child
But you're already grown

I still don't know life very well
So I don't have much to say to you
But with this heart wishing you more happiness
I search inside my chest for words to tell you

"Go study" no, that's too mundane
"Always be kind" no, even I couldn't do that
"Love no, that's a hard thing to do
Find your own way in life

I thought I had lived life long enough
But I'm only 15 years old
I wanted to always be that lovely daughter of yours
But I'm already so unlovable

I still don't know life very well
So I have a lot of things I want to learn
But when you just keep repeating the same words to me
I shut the door to my heart more tightly

"Go study" I know how important that is too
"Always be kind" can't you see I'm trying?
"Love" I don't want to hurt myself further
Just let me find my own way in life

"Go study" no, that's too mundane
"Always be kind" no, even I couldn't do that
"Love no, that's a hard thing to do
Find your own way in life

Can you forgive me for not being a better mother?
Can you promise me that you'll be a better mother than me?

....

Suddenly I miss you mak,
Amid my busy life,
At times, I forget you 
and I am sorry as I know your whole life you never stop thinking of me

But now I try to only remember the good times 
So I will stop regretting and hurting myself 
Thou I hope I can be a better daughter to you
Nothing can be changed now

Perhaps, that is how you feel as well

But Mak, let me tell you one thing for certain
You are the perfect mother to me
The most forgiving and patience 
The strongest kind I could not compare to be 

I know if you are here your never-ending prayers would keep my anxiety and weary heart at ease 
You would stop watching television so I can study 
Although you are not sleepy both of you will pretend to sleep so I could focus on my study 
Now I know that all the things that would get me annoyed are all the things I wish I could continue doing 

Not a day passed by, I will doubt His plan
For everything that happened has its course 
From the day I have to come back instead staying in the UK 
I am glad I came back 
For deciding to always put you both first in all my decision
At least I did something right  

Thank you Allah for giving me the chance to be with them until their last breath .... 

It is heartbreaking, for them unable to see my fight until the end 
But I will continue this fight on my own
Perhaps i am not alone
They will be looking after me, I know they are 
Just how they have always been 

If you are reading this, please make a small doa for me 
My final exam will be this coming Monday/Tuesday for written exam. 

I miss hearing her doa 
but I know she will always be praying for me
O Allah please reward my parents abundantly and forgive all their sins 
may the smallest deed no matter how imperfect it is will be weight upon them accordingly 

I am bringing your smiles with me always








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