Another climb... life as an HO

Assalamualaikum wbt to all my dearest sisters whom I dearly miss and always remembered in my doa.

MasyaAllah, it's almost x7/12 we'vee been back but why does this heart ache seem to be more than the home sick feeling we used to get?
Why does this heart feels more empty than when we were away from the land of so called 'negara Islam'?
Why do we feel more alone than when we were the only Muslim in our whole class/ placement among the other British?

If only, we decided to stay...
I'm amazed at those who never thought about tis and feels content with the life you are living at the moment.
And I do hope that any of us who manage to do that to share their tips so I can feel the same way too
(thinking of dina because she's amazing at adapting, every obstacles she sees as opportunity not a big hole where you'll end up sinking in :)  I do miss you dina and your spirit)

Ain and I been trying to keep in contact although it is difficult looking at our busy and hectic life as an HO (really? at least we have the new shift system which is better,no? Alhamdulillah, all praises is only to HIM)

Working life is so different from studying, I try so hard to 'create' free time for other leisure activities - usrah, dakwah,family time but I always fail. Extra time will be used usually to sleep or rest. studying is out of the topic too most of the time. (haha)

My deen... Allahu Allah, that is the only thing which I cried for over time and time again. I would hope this career that I fought for 7 years (maybe 9 years since I dream to be a Dr. ) to be my investment for my akhirat but why do I feel unease... I struggle to pray within the prayer times, I find it difficult to find times to talk to those young girls who had their child out of wedlock... O Allah, how am I going to find them in the akhirat later if I did not manage to sent a word of advice. My ibadah, and theirs.... What about my colleagues, I miss those shoulder to cry onto who would remind me about His 

So where will all of this take me? I keep using the reason being busy, tired et.all ...

And so my dearest sisters,
Let us stop and pause...
Let us think and 'muhasabah'-evaluate ourself as how we used to do before, because if you are in my shoe , maybe I have stop doing my every day muhasabah but instead jump in to my bed and go to sleep, without evaluating the things I do, instead I also sight and keep on nagging about my life as a Dr.

It looks really hazy to where we can be in the next 10 years especially after being in the system where it looks like impossible to sustain a stable life between working and life - unlike the UK where it's all right to be ambitious and have a holiday every 3/12 :)

Let us all together try to make full use of all the things we have learnt in the UK and be a better person... let us keep being the odd ones even in our own country where we should feel at ease... I know I hope I would feel so much different and more happy to be at home... but I didn't but it doesn't mean it is bad, it just mean that so we can score better in this test as we had our old 'sweet' memories being a ghuraba' before right?

And remember to look at those who are worst than us? Previously the system is worst! And our senior manage to succeed, so why can't we?

I just have to keep being positive,
To remember than I am did not come back for more easy life,
I come back to serve my family, country and religion,
And serving means more sacrifice not expecting things in return,
To remember that this life is only for a minute if not a second,
Compared to the long life promise by Him in the hereafter.

Although it is not possible to take a train to visit you my dearest friend, Ain,
Or to come for a visit to laugh with you k.fariha,
And to see dina for a cup of tea,
or maybe for a sleep over with my dearest kakak2 who I longed for their words of wisdom,
I will not be put down,
instead I will keep those memories to be my strength,

to continue being a Dr.
not because I have chosen this path,
But because He has put me on this path which meant it is the best for me,
If He believe in me, what more do I need with me?
And if He put us through this,
He will get us through this.

Ameen

-planning to do my umrah after completing my HO training, making it as my strength to get me through this. Just look forward for the future because He has promise us

Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a. daripada Nabi SAW, Baginda telah bersabda: 

Barangsiapa yang melepaskan seorang mukmin daripada satu kesusahan daripada kesusahan-kesusahan 

dunia, nescaya Allah akan melepaskannya daripada satu kesusahan daripada kesusahan-kesusahan 

Qiamat. Barangsiapa yang mempermudahkan bagi orang susah, nescaya Allah akan mempermudahkan 

baginya di dunia dan di akhirat. Barangsiapa yang menutup ke'aiban seorang muslim, nescaya Allah 

akan menutup ke'aibannya di dunia dan akhirat. Allah sentiasa bersedia menolong hambaNya selagi 

mana dia suka menolong saudaranya. Barangsiapa yang melalui suatu jalan untuk menuntut ilmu, 

nescaya Allah akan mempermudahkan baginya suatu jalan menuju ke syurga. Sesuatu kaum tidak 

berkumpul di salah sebuah rumah-rumah Allah (iaitu masjid) sambil mereka membaca Kitab Allah dan 

mengkajinya sesama mereka melainkan suasana ketenangan akan turun ke atas mereka, rahmat akan 

melitupi mereka dan mereka akan di kelilingi oleh para malaikat dan Allah akan menyebut (perihal) 

mereka kepada orang-orang yang berada di sisiNya. Barangsiapa yang terlambat amalannya, nescaya 

nasab keturunannya tidak mampu mempercepatkannya -Muslim

Daripada lbnu 'Umar r.a. ﻋﻨﻬﻤﺎ اﷲ رﺿﻲ beliau berkata: 

Rasulullah SAW telah memegang bahuku seraya bersabda: Hiduplah engkau di dunia seolah-olah 

engkau seorang perantau atau musafir lalu. 

lbnu 'Umar r.a. pernah berkata: 

Apabila engkau berada di waktu petang, maka janganlah engkau menunggu (ketibaan) waktu pagi dan 

apabila engkau berada di waktu pagi, maka janganlah engkau menunggu (ketibaan) waktu petang. 

Ambillah peluang dari kesihatanmu untuk masa sakitmu dan masa hidupmu untuk matimu- Bukhari

Daripada Anas r.a. beliau berkata: Aku telah mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda: 

Allah Ta'ala berfirman: Wahai anak Adam! Selagi mana engkau meminta, berdoa dan mengharapkan 

Aku, Aku akan ampunkan apa-apa dosa yang ada pada dirimu dan Aku tidak peduli. Wahai anak 

Adam! Seandainya dosa-dosamu banyak sampai mencecah awan langit kemudian engkau memohon 

ampun kepadaKu, nescaya Aku akan ampunkan bagimu. Wahai anak Adam! Sesungguhnya engkau, 

andainya engkau datang mengadapKu dengan dosa-dosa sepenuh isi bumi, kemudian engkau datang 

menghadapKu tanpa engkau mensyirikkan Aku dengan sesuatu, nescaya Aku akan mengurniakan 

untukmu keampunan sepenuh isi bumi.- At-tirmizi

May Allah keep all of you safe and sound,
Be your guide in every steps and hills,mountains that you climb.
La hawla wala quwwata illa billah...

love from kajang ;)