back to the past, written in June 2014

I wish to make a novel out of my life but maybe that is a bit too much so I will just write it here in my blog, just as a reminder for myself to be a better me, to be thankful of each steps and blessing that He has given to me...

i also learnt that this life is full of unexpected things, be it good or bad you can never anticipate what may happen. You do such a well planned but at the end He will decide how things will turn, I have hoped to pass my MRCP part two by this year and travel at least to 2/3 countries never expecting that it will be such this tough ride. I cried but not as much as I thought I should have and I thanked Him for that. I planned so much for this year 2014 as I pray that this life as an MO will be a better life but He planned something better for me...
He wants to teach me about what is important in this life, He is giving me a chance of a lifetime :) to care for my only and one MOTHER, so much that I have to sacrifice for this...

  • financial crisis 
  • my career development, all those planned need to be postponed until she is well and get back on her feet
  • my work progress as i am taking half paid leave which will affect my services later on 
  • traveling as my priority now is my family, as the only breadwinner and carer of the family I need to set my priority right one wrong decision will also cause a devastated effect to those I loved

weighting through it all is difficult, many times I shed my tears thinking why must it be me, am I a bad person, did I not do Him right? but many times it occurred to my mind, have you forgotten of all the blessings He has given to you? do you expect a rosy pathway after all of these? further more being much separated to the path I used to take, I actually deserve this! I shouldn’t spent my time dwelling too much on the problems asking all the 5Ws’ in stead I should think about the solution and be grateful that He is knocking on my door and so I continue on although it is hard to bear... 

my family is such of peculiar to others but also to myself... if only you knew... if only i could share, Allahu Allah and so I get lonely easily on this road, unlike others... I dislikes their action but I love them as well. He is truly testing my sincerity and faith... but know one thing for sure, the story of Prophet Ibraham will always be my favorite, a story where I would hold dearly until the end... 

know that not everything needs an explantion
things happened, just because
you have the right to question but you have no power to change it
and so you find your ground and reasoned with it and continue on
accepting it will be hard but it will come a day when your heart will be at peace
maybe not now but some day
so just smile and treasure the moment that you are living now
stop regretting the past
start looking for what matters most
get lost in the way but always come back to the guided path

and that’s your faith

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